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    Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway, I shut off the engine and coast into the garage, I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom, I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late."

    His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's butt and say, 'How about a little...?' and she pretends that she's asleep!"
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    "What? Why would you want so many martinis?" questioned the bartender...
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  • At the Gates of Heaven One day,a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer...
  • Blame it on the Dog... A woman goes to her boyfriends' parents' house for Easter dinner. This is to be her first time meeting the family, and she is very nervous.
    They all sit down and begin...
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