• A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the tip of her index finger shot off.

    'How did this happen?' the emergency room doctor asked her.

    'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.

    'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by shooting off your finger?'

    'No, silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest, and then I thought, 'I just paid $6, 000.00 for these implants... I'm not shooting myself in the chest.'

    'So then?' asked the doctor.

    'Then I put the gun in my mouth & I thought, 'I just paid $3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the mouth.'

    'So then?'

    'Then I put the gun to my ear, & I thought: 'This is going to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.'
  • The Sunday edition An irate old lady called the newspaper office loudly demanding to know where her Sunday paper was.
    "Madam," said the newspaper employee, "Today is Saturday. The Sunday edition...
  • Most Wanted! Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 most wanted criminals.

    One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.

    "Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."

    Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
  • Wait Till The Last Moment A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front...
  • Healthful Place Mr. Peterson, a tourist from Toronto arrived in New Delhi. In an airport taxi cab, Peterson asked the driver, "Say, is this really a healthful place...
  • Marriage Advice At my granddaughter's wedding, the DJ polled the guests to see who had been married longest. It turned out to be my husband and I.
    The DJ asked us...
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