• Golf Buddies

    There was an old man named Bill, and one of the things he most enjoyed was playing golf with his old buddy Fred. Bill's wife always commented on how happy he looked after a game.

    But one day he came home from their weekly game looking terrible and very tired. His wife asked, "What's the matter, Bill? You always seem so happy after golf and you look miserable right now."

    Bill said, "Well, something terrible happened. Fred had a heart attack on the first hole."

    "My God, honey!` said the wife, rushing to comfort him. "That must've been terrible!"

    "It was," he said. "All day long it was: hit the ball, drag Fred to the ball, and then hit it again..."
  • Late For Work

    Charley, a new retiree greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on time. Every day he was 5, 10. sometimes 15 minutes late. But he was a good worker, really tidy, clean shaven, sharp minded and a real credit to the company and obviously demonstrating their "Older person friendly" policies.

    One day the boss was in a real quandary about how to deal with it. Finally, he called him in the office for a talk.

    "Charley, I have to tell you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang-on job, but your being late so often is quite bothersome."
    "Yes. I know boss, and I am working on it."

    "Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear. It's odd though, your coming in late. I know you're retired from the Arm Forces. What did they say if you came in late there?"

    They said, "Good morning, General. Tea or coffee this morning, Sir?"
  • Job Selection

    A prestigious law firm interviewing prospective attorneys had narrowed the field down to Bob and Paul. Both had graduated at the top of their respective law school classes. Both were from good families. Both were equally handsome. Both were well-spoken.

    But the senior law partner only asked each man one question, "Why did you become a lawyer?" and then chose Bob.

    Later, Paul said to Bob, "I can't understand why he didn't want me. When he asked me why I became a lawyer, I told him that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do the right thing for my clients. What did you say?"

    Bob replied, "I just told him, 'I became a lawyer because of my hands.'"

    "Your hands?" asked Paul incredulously. "Yeah," said Bob.

    "One day I looked at my hands and there wasn't any money in either of them!"
  • Long Distance Relationship

    A soldier was stationed abroad and received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home.

    It read: "Dear Dave, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you. Love, Kim."

    The soldier, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow soldiers for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of Kim, Dave included all the other pictures of pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.

    There were 43 photos in the envelope along with a note that read: "Dear Kim, I'm so sorry but I can't remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me. Take care, Dave."