This is a REAL MEMO from Microsoft HR Director in Redmond WA to its staff of the Indian Origin. Every word here is kept intact without alteration.

    It has been brought to our attention by several officials visiting our corporate headquarters that offensive language is commonly used by our Hindi speaking staff. Such behavior, in addition to violating our policy, is highly unprofessional and offensive to both visitors and colleagues.

    Staff will IMMEDIATELY adhere to the following rules:

    1. Words like CHUTIYA, GANDU and other such ex-pressions will not be used for emphasis, no matter how heated the discussion. You will not say CHUTIYE, AKAL NAHI HAI KYA TEREKO when someone makes a mistake or MADARCHOD, BEHANCHOD when a major mistake has been made. All forms derived from the verb CHOD are inappropriate in our environment.

    2. No project manager, section head or administrator, under any circumstances will be referred to as GADHA or CHUTIYA. Lack of determination will not be referred to as KAMCHOR SAALA and neither will persons who lack initiative be referred to as BHOSADIKA or MADARCHOD.

    3. Unusual or creative ideas from your superiors are not to be referred to as GAND FAADU, if a person is persistent or if a task is heavy to accomplish. In a similar way do not use GAND FATI if a colleague is going through a difficult situation.

    4. Furthermore, you must not say BHOSADE MEIN GAYA when matters become complicated. When asking someone to leave you alone, you must not say DIMAGH KI MAA BEHAN MAT KAR. Do not ever substitute 'May I help you?' with BOL TERI GAND KAISE MARU.

    5. When things get tough, an acceptable _ex-pression such as 'We are going through a difficult time' should be used, rather than MAA CHUDI PADI HAI or GOTI MUH MEIN HAI.

    6. No Salary increase shall be ever referred to as KHAIRAAT BAATI JAA RAHI HAI KYA. Under no circumstances should you call our elderly corporate partners as BUDDHA KHOOSAT.

    7. Last, but not least, after reading this memo, please do not say 'YE KAGAZ TOH GAND PONCHNE KE LAAYAK BHI NAHI HAI.

    We hope you will keep these directions in mind.

    Steve Rider
    Human Resources Director
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