•  

    Two guys meet up in a bar. The first one asks, "Did your hear the news - Mike Reid is dead??!!!"

    "Woah, what the hell happened to him?"

    "Well he was on his way over to my house the other day and when he arrived outside the house he didn't brake properly and boom - He hit the curb, the car flipped over and he crashed through the sunroof - Went flying through the air and smashed through my upstairs bedroom window."

    "What a horrible way to die!"

    "No no, he survived that, that didn't kill him at all. So, he's landed in my upstairs bedroom and he's all covered in broken glass on the floor. Then, he spots the big old antique wardrobe we have in the room and reaches up for the handle to try to pull himself up. He's just dragging himself up when bang, this massive wardrobe comes crashing down on top of him, crushing him and breaking most of his bones."

    "What a way to go, that's terrible!"

    "No no, that didn't kill him he survived that. He managed to get the wardrobe off him and crawls out onto the landing, he tries to pull himself up on the banister but under his weight, the banister breaks and he goes falling down on to the first floor. In mid air, all the broken banister poles spin and fall on him, pinning him to the floor, sticking right through him."

    "Now that is the most unfortunate way to go!"

    "No no, that didn't kill him, he even survived that. So he's on the downstairs landing, just beside the kitchen. He crawls in to the kitchen, tries to pull himself up on the stove, but reached for a big pot of boiling hot water, whoosh, the whole thing came down on him and burned most of his skin off him."

    "Man, what a way to go!"

    "No no, he survived that, he survived that! He's lying on the ground, covered in boiling water and he spots the phone and tries to pull himself up, to call for help, but instead he grabs the light switch and pulls the whole thing off the wall and the water and electricity didn't mix and so he got electrocuted, wallop, 10,000 volts shot through him."

    "Now that is one awful way to go!"

    "No no, he survived that..."

    "Hold on now, just how the hell did he die?"

    "I shot him!"

    "You shot him? What the hell did you shoot him for?"

    "He was wrecking my house."
  • The Cutting Angle Two men were standing at adjacent urinals when one said to the other, "I`ll bet you were born in Newark, Ohio."
    "Why, that`s right!" said the second man in surprise.
    "And I`ll bet you were...
  • Compulsive Disorder A man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of white wine. He took a sip of the wine, then tossed the remainder in the bartender`s face. Before the bartender could recover from the surprise, the man began weeping...
  • Best Friend? Frank and Jim, are walking down the street when Jim turns to Frank and says, "Frank, if you had two of those top-of-the-line Mercedes Benz cars, with all the gear, electric windows, CD player and all of that, exactly the same...
  • Banta Ka Affair Ek Baar Banta Apni Premika K Saath Park Mein Bahon Mein Bahein Daalkar Baitha Hua Tha Aur Badi Hi Romantic Aur Pyaar Bhari Baatein Kar Raha Tha. Tabhi Wahan Ek Policewala Aaya Aur Banta Se Bola: Aapko...
  • Wooden Spoons One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Jones, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Now don`t forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred...
ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT