•  

    This German tourist was on a bus tour of Castilla during the summer that had a stop at this old convent. The tour wasn't that interesting and he managed to stay behind and start wandering. Feeling the urge, he stopped to pee on the outside wall of the chapel.

    While he was doing his business, the Mother Superior surprised him. "OH! I am soo sorry!"

    "No," she replied. "Actually, I've never seen a man's..... You know. Could I take a look?"

    A nun asking to see his works freaked out the tourist but it was kinda kinky in a way, so he figured, what the hell.

    The nun looked at it for a bit and as he was about to put it away she said, "You know, I always wanted to touch it. Would you mind...?"

    "This is really weird, but sure."

    The tourist was getting really excited. Who could say that a nun had tossed you off?

    "Could you take it all out so that I can get a complete experience?" the nun requested.

    The tourist, sure that he was about to get laid, willingly took down his pants. The nun began fondling his testicles and suddenly straightened, and said, "Don't SQUEEZE)... Piss (SQUEEZE) on the (SQUEEZE) Church (SQUEEZE) Walls!!!!!!!!!!!"
  • Special Occasions My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).
    One day, I was in the bathroom...
  • Screw It Tight A priest goes to the mechanic. He tells the mechanic, "Hey, I just brought in my car last week, and since you guys worked on it, it`s leaking oil all over my garage."
    The mechanic says, "My apologies Father...
  • A Great Actor There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again. The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has...
  • Nymphomaniac Wife Bob, the farmer, went into town to retrieve his monthly supplies. The clerk noticed Bob was displaying a sad face and asked what was wrong. Bob stated that his wife, Linda, was wearing him out as she was a nymphomaniac...
  • Naughty Oneliners The sex life of my belt`s buckle is as frustrating as mine. It also sees many holes everyday but goes in the same again and again!
    Women are a lot like alcohol. They may give you a great night but they`re a big...