Clarification Of Hiring Lingo

    Competitive Salary - We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

    Join Our Fast-Paced Company - We have no time to train you.

    Casual Work Atmosphere - We don't pay you enough to expect that you will dress up.

    Must Be Deadline Oriented - You will be six months behind schedule on your first day.

    Some Overtime Required - Some time each night and some time each weekend.

    Duties Will Vary - Anyone in the office can boss you around.

    Must Have An Eye For Detail - We have no quality control.

    Career-Minded - Female applicants must be childless (and stay that way).

    Apply In Person - If you're fat, old, or ugly, you will be told the position has been filled.

    No Phone Calls Please - We already have someone for the job, our call for resumes is just a legal formality.

    Seeking Candidates With A Wide Variety of Experience - You will need it to replace three people who have just left.

    Problem Solving Skills A Must - You are walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

    Requires Team Leadership Skills - You will have the responsibilities of a manager; without the pay or respect.

    Good Communication Skills - Management communicates; you listen, figure out what they want, and do it.
  • The Wire Brush Treatment An army Major visiting sick soldiers, goes up to one private and asks, "What`s your problem, Soldier?"
    "Chronic syphilis, Sir."
    "What treatment are you getting?
    Five minutes with the wire brush...
  • Helping Hand A man writing at the post office desk was approached by an older fellow with a post card in his hand. The old man said, "Sir, I`m sorry to bother you but could you address this post card for me? My arthritis is acting up today...
  • Door-to-Door Campaign Two church members were going door-to-door through the neighbourhood and finally arrived at Mrs. Smith`s house. She was not happy to see them. She greeted them with an attitude that made it clear she had no time to waste...
  • Doctor's Wife Ek Aadmi Ka Gala Baith Gaya Tha... Bahut Koshish Ke Baad Bhi Kuch Araam Nahi Mila. Raat Ke Do Baje Jab Takleef Kaafi Bad Gayi Tah Tang Aakar Vo Apni Biwi Se Bola: Kuch Samajh Mein Nahi Aa Raha Hai Ke Kya...
  • Grandmas' Name Little Johnny and his grandmother were shopping in a department store. Little Johnny wanted to go to the toy department, but grandmother said that they had to stop in the ladies clothing department first....