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    If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about trading it in for a newer model.

    I've got bumps and dents and scratches in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull but that's not the worst of it.

    My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things up close.

    My traction is not as graceful as it once was.I slip and slide and skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.

    My spare tyres are stained with varicose veins. It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed. My fuel rate burns inefficiently.

    But here's the worst of it...

    Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..... either my radiator leaks or my exhaust backfires.
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    "Well, it`s a family secret...
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  • Toilet Sink After a night on the town, a young woman brought a new friend home for a late-night drink. "You can`t make any noise," she warned him. "My parents are upstairs and if they find out they`ll kill us...
  • Emergency Brake! An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol officer stopped her. "I`m not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy...
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