The following are actual submissions on a series of quizzes, tests, and essays.

    "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state."

    "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."

    "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube."

    "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."

    "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."

    "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."

    "Blood flows down one leg and up the other."

    "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration."

    "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."

    "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull."

    "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire."

    "A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."

    "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

    "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."

    "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."

    "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
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    And the master patiently answers, "My dear pupil, have you seen...
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