Attendant: Welcome aboard A la Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

    Passenger: Sure.

    Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

    Passenger: What for?

    Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

    Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

    Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5. It's the airline's new policy.

    Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

    Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

    Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to hear about this.

    Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy. Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

    Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

    Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

    Passenger: What?

    Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

    Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

    Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit, and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate. But, first I need that $10.

    Passenger: No way!

    Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

    Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

    Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

    Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

    Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else I can do for you?

    Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem to work. Can you fix it?

    Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

    Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

    Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

    Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

    Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

    Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

    Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

    Passenger: Crying out loud.... All I have left is a lousy quarter? What the heck can I do with this?

    Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory.
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