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    A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn't give him long to live.

    He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen.

    The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen."

    The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen."

    The clerk said, "I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you... if you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."
  • At Peace With God An 80-year old Bava goes for a medical check- up. All of his tests come with normal results. Dr Khambatta says, "Sohrabji, everything looks great. How are you doing mentally and emotionally? Are you...
  • The Good Old Days An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said, "You used to hold my hand when we were courting."
    Wearily he reached across...
  • Urine Sample! Jethro walks all the way into town to get a physical. The doctor hands him a specimen cup and says, "I need a urine sample."
    Jethro goes into the bathroom, but can`t pee. He comes back out and says...
  • Drink Fault-finding Guide A solution to all of your drinking troubles: Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
    Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face. Solution: Buy another pint...
  • Staggering Drunk Randy staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddies. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife, Kathleen. He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom...