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    Jack the sailor docked at New York after a frustrating three-month voyage. Unfortunately he'd lost most of his pay playing poker on board ship, so when he eventually found a lady of the night all he could offer her was 50 cents and a pair of red sneakers.

    She refused with disdain.

    He wandered around in search of a more accommodating girl, but was refused time and time again.

    Eventually he found a more sympathetic lady who told him that although she could not possibly accept his offer herself, he could always try Mabel down the road. But she warned him not to expect too much as Mabel was very unresponsive and would probably just lie there passively.

    He found Mabel and as times were hard she reluctantly agreed to accept the 50 cents and the pair of red sneakers for her services, but told him not to expect any kind of response from her.

    Dave began the amorous act and after a few minutes was pleased to find an arm reaching around his back. This was followed shortly after by a leg curling round his rear. Dave, who had always fancied himself a bit of a Romeo, gasped, "I knew you wouldn't be able to resist my charms."

    "Don't flatter yourself lover boy," answered Mabel, "I'm just trying on my red sneakers."
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