Ian Chappell to Derek Underwood:
    England slow left-arm bowler Derek Underwood was hit on the hand while batting. Ian Chappell surprised Underwood with his concern.

    Chappell: How's the hand, which one was it?
    Underwood: It was my right.
    Chappell: That's a shame. We were aiming for the left.

    Ian Botham to Rodney Hogg:
    As Rodney Hogg bowled to Ian Botham he lost his balance and fell at the England player's feet.
    Botham: I know you think I'm great Hoggy, but no need to get down on your knees.

    Glenn McGrath to Michael Atherton:
    Australia's Glenn McGrath tried out an old Australian classic on England captain Michael Atherton, who fell for it hook, line and sinker.
    McGrath: Athers, it would help if you got rid of the shit at the end of your bat.
    Atherton looks at the bottom of his bat.
    McGrath: No, No, the other end.

    Merv Hughes to Graham Gooch:
    Hughes had sent several fast deliveries whistling past Graham Gooch, before dispatching the following verbal knockout punch.
    Hughes: I'll get you a fucking piano you Pommie poofta. Let's see if you can play that.

    Dennis Lillee to Mike Gatting:
    There's no easier target for a joke than an overweight man, as Dennis Lillee proved with the former England captain Mike Gatting.
    Lillee: Hell, Gatt, move out of the way, I can't see the stumps.

    Bill Woodfull to Douglas Jardine:
    In the infamous 'Bodyline' series, prim and proper England captain Douglas Jardine complained to Australian captain Bill Woodfull, having just been sworn at.
    Jardine: Your slip just swore at me.
    Woodfull: All right, which one of you bastards called this bastard a bastard?

    Phil Tufnell to The Umpire:
    An angry Phil Tufnell took his frustration out on the umpire after his appeal against Dean Jones was turned down.
    Tufnell: Are you bloody blind?
    Umpire: I beg your pardon?
    Tufnell: Are you fucking deaf as well?

    Michael Atherton to Ian Healey:
    Michael Atherton had the perfect reply for Ian Healy when accused of cheating.
    Healey: You're a fucking cheat.
    Atherton: When in Rome dear boy...

    Ian Botham to Rodney Marsh:
    As Ian Botham prepared to bat, Aussie wicket keeper Rodney Marsh decided to put him off and was metaphorically smashed out of the ground.
    Marsh: So how's your wife and my kids?
    Botham: The wife's fine - the kids are retarded.

    Javed Miandad to Merv Hughes:
    Javed Miandad called Hughes a fat bus conductor during a match. A few balls later, Hughes dismissed Miandad.
    Hughes: 'Tickets please' as he ran past the departing batsman.

    Glenn McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan:
    McGrath: So what does Brian Lara's dick taste like?
    Sarwan: I don't know. Ask your wife.
    McGrath: If you ever Fucking mention my wife again, I'll Fucking rip your Fucking throat out.

    Mike Whitney to Ravi Shastri:
    Shastri hits the ball towards substitute fielder Mike Whitney and looked for a single.
    Whitney: If you leave the crease i'll break your fucking head.
    Shastri: If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn't be the fucking 12th man.

    Fred Trueman to Raman Subba Row:
    Trueman was bowling and induced an edge to first slip but the ball went between Raman Subba Row's legs. The fieldsman apologised.
    Row: Sorry, Fred. I should've kept my legs together.
    Trueman: So should your mother.
  • Don't Mess With Your Wife After being married for 50 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said, "Fifty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep...
  • Why Men Don't Listen? Two friends were walking home and a lady happened to be blowing a kiss to one of them from the window of her house.
    1st friend: Man, it looks like that babe is blowing kisses...
  • God Will Provide A young woman brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, her mother tells her father to find out more about the young man. The father invites the fiancee to his study to find out more about him...
  • Water or Whiskey? The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to...
  • Patient Will Live but... On a busy Med/Surg floor the doctor stops the nurse to brief her on a patient`s condition. "This patient is a fellow physician and my favorite golf partner. His injury is serious and I fear he will not be able to play...