•  

    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here, and drink whatever comes out?"

    Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken there? I'm gonna eat the next thing that comes outta it's butt."

    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

    Why is there a light in the fridge and not in the freezer?

    Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

    If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of coconut, why can?t he fix a hole in a boat?

    Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

    Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

    What do you call male ballerinas?

    If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that Acme crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?

    If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

    If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

    If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

    Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

    Why do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

    Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

    Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?

    Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him on a car ride, he can't wait to stick his head out the window into the wind?

    Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?
  • A Blonde‚Äôs Cookbook Monday: It`s fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls....
  • Doctor's Advice Yesterday I was talking to my doctor and after knowing my occupation and job structure he advised: You must exercise more. Don`t buy cold drinks from stalls. Beer and whiskey better to avoid completely. Drink more...
  • Irish Police Officers Five Englishmen in an Audi Quattro arrived at an Irish border checkpoint.
    Paddy, the officer, stops them and tells them, "It is illegal to put five people in a Quattro. Quattro means four...
  • Magnet Fishing Three blonde fishermen are sitting by the side of a river holding fishing poles with the lines in the water. A Game Warden comes up behind them, taps them on the shoulder and says, "Excuse me, I`d like to see...
  • Weapons of Mass Destruction Reporter: Why did you attack Iraq in the 90s?
    USA: Because we suspected that they had Weapons of Mass Destruction.
    Reporter: Why did you attack...