•  

    I was meeting a friend in a bar and as I went in, I noticed two pretty girls looking at me.

    "Nine," I heard one whisper as I passed.

    Feeling pleased with myself, I swaggered over to my buddy and told him a girl had just rated me a nine out of ten.

    "I don't want to ruin it for you," he said, "but when I walked in, they were speaking German."

    "So what does 'nine' mean in German?"

    "It means 'No'."
  • Pensioner and Police! A pensioner drove his brand new Mercedes to 100 mph, looking in his rearview mirror, he saw a police car behind him. He floored it to 140, then 150,... then 155,...
  • Is GOD Good or What? A woman received a call that her daughter was sick. She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back...
  • Pet Penguins! A man was driving down the road when a policeman stopped him. The officer looked in the back of the man's truck and said, "Why are these penguins...
  • Kangaroo's High Jump A kangaroo at the Sydney zoo kept getting out of his enclosure every night. Knowing that mature kangaroos could hop very high, the zoo officials replaced the eight-foot fence with a ten-foot fence....
  • WTH is Golf Rider? Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
    The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders...