•  

    A man walked into a therapists office looking very depressed. "Doc, you've got to help me. I can't go on like this."

    "What's the problem?" the doctor inquired.

    "Well, I'm 35 years old and I still have no luck with the ladies. No matter how hard I try, I just seem to scare them away."

    "My friend, this is not a serious problem. You just need to work on your self-esteem. Each morning, I want you to get up and run to the bathroom mirror. Tell yourself that you are a good person, a fun person and an attractive person. But say it with real conviction. Within a week you'll have women buzzing all around you."

    The man seemed content with this advice and walked out of the office excited.

    Three weeks later he returned with the same downtrodden expression on his face.

    "Did my advice not work?" asked the doctor.

    "It worked alright. For the past several weeks I've enjoyed some of the best moments in my life with the most fabulous looking women."

    "So, what's your problem?"

    "I don't have a problem," the man replied. "My wife does."
  • Airsick!!! A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him and immediately falls asleep. The little guy starts...
  • Insufficient Funds A young college co-ed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried.
    "I did? What did I tell you?" said the dad...
  • Boat Number 66 At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake`s edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up."
    Several minutes passed, but the boat didn`t return...
  • Lawyer's Cigars A lawyer purchased a box of very rare and expensive cigars, then insured them against, among other things, loss due to fire. Within a month, having smoked his entire stockpile of these great cigars, the lawyer filed...
  • Answer Back Church Down in the south, there are many churches known as "answer back" churches. When the preacher says something, the congregation naturally replies. One Sunday, a preacher was speaking on what it would take for the church to...