• Behind Every Successful...

    During a company's annual family trip to a crocodile farm in Thailand... the eccentric Boss dared any of his employees to jump into the crocodiles infested pond... and swim to the shore.

    Anyone who survived the swim will be rewarded with 5 million... but if killed by the crocs...2 million will be given to the next of kin.

    For a long period of time no one dared take up the challenge... then suddenly a man jumped in...and swam frantically for his life towards shore pursued by the crocs...and luckily he made it unscathed.

    When he managed to recover his breath... the instant millionaire shouted asking who pushed him into the pond..... it was his wife who did it.!!!

    And from that day...that was how the phrase... "Behind every successful man...there's a woman"...came about !!!
  • Cross Examination

    Policeman testifies in Court If you ever testify in court, you might wish you could have been as sharp as this policeman. He was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the policeman's credibility....

    Q: Officer -- did you see my client fleeing the scene?

    A: No sir. But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.

    Q: Officer -- who provided this description?

    A: The officer who responded to the scene.

    Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

    A: Yes, sir. With my life.

    Q: With your life? Let me ask you this then officer. Do you have a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

    A: Yes sir, we do!

    Q: And do you have a locker in the room?

    A: Yes sir, I do.

    Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?

    A: Yes sir.

    Q: Now why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with these same officers?

    A: You see, sir -- we share the building with the court complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.
  • A Pregnant Football Player

    There was an athlete who wanted to accept a scholarship to a well-known college. To be awarded it, however, he had to pass a physical, since it was an athletic scholarship.

    When Tim found out about the scholarship, he called his friends all to come over to his house to help him celebrate. They got plastered, and several of the friends had "donated" marijuana.

    The next morning, realizing that he would be asked to provide a urine sample, he knew the marijuana would show up in it. He had a brainstorm!!!
    Calling his girlfriend on the phone, he said, "Hey, Patti I need a favor. Can you give me a small jar of urine? I'll need it for the physical tomorrow, and we kinda let things go here."

    Patti agreed, and within an hour, she came over, carrying a small mayo jar of urine.

    Tim thanked her, and he proceeded to take the "sample" to the college physical with him the next day. When the doctor asked him for a sample, he went into the restroom, and poured the urine Patti had given him into the vial.

    All was fine -- he thought!!!

    Two days later, the Athletic Director at the college called Tim, and said, "I'm afraid we have to withdraw the scholarship offer."

    "WHY?" asked Tim.

    "We just cannot have a pregnant man on our football team!" said the Athletic Director.
  • My Favourite Animal

    Our teacher asked what my favourite animal was, and I said, "Fried chicken."

    She said I wasn't funny, but she couldn't have been right, because everyone else laughed. My parents told me to always tell the truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

    I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher was probably a member of PETA. He said they love animals very much.

    I do, too. Especially chicken, pork and beef. Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me not to do it again.

    The next day in class my teacher asked me what my favourite live animal was. I told her it was chicken.

    She asked me why, so I told her it was because you could make them into fried chicken.

    She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not to do it again.

    I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher doesn't like it when I am.

    Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most. I told her, "Colonel Sanders, the Founder of KFC"

    Guess where the f*** I am now..
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