• The Butt of Your Own Joke

    I work in the electronics department of a major retailer. The phone rings one evening. On the other end is a girl, who sounds to be about 18 or so, and I can hear muffled giggles behind her, so I know she's got it on speakerphone. She insults me the whole time but I never take the bait.

    Me: Electronics, how can I help you?

    Caller: Oh... yeah, do you have cameras there? Like, the expensive kind. I don't expect you to carry high-end brands.

    Me: Yes, we do.

    Caller: Do you have any green ones? I bet your selection's really small and you carry only black ones.

    Me: Yes, we have a Nikon model that is green.

    Caller: Is it waterproof? Do you even know what I'm talking about? I bet I could do your job better than you.

    I refuse to take the bait and said: Yes, this model is waterproof to 75 feet.

    Caller: That means it takes pictures underwater, right? Do you know what that means?

    Me, now certain this is a prank call: Right...

    Caller: Can it take a picture of a tree?

    Me: Yes, it can.

    Caller: Can it take a picture of my BUTT?

    Cue giggling from the other end, that explodes into full-blown laughter When I Said: Oh, no, I'm sorry, miss; this model doesn't have a wide angle lens!
  • Maid's Advice

    A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Sunday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water.

    He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and more painful.

    His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling."

    He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided.

    On Monday morning he called his Doctor again to complain, "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better."

    "Really?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it - my maid said hot water."
  • Management Lesson

    His Phone rang in church by accident during prayers...

    The Pastor scolded him.

    The worshippers admonished him after prayer for interrupting the silence.

    His wife kept on kept on lecturing him on his carelessness till they reached home.

    You could see the shame, embarrassment and humiliation on his face.

    He has never stepped foot in the church ever again.


    That evening, he went to a bar.

    He was still nervous and trembling.

    He spilled his drink on the table by accident.

    The waiter apologized, gave him a napkin to clean himself up.

    The janitor also mopped the floor.

    The female manager offered him a complimentary drink.

    She also gave him a huge hug and kissed him while saying "Don't worry man. Who doesn't make a mistake?"

    He has never stopped going to that bar since then.

    Management Lesson: You can make a difference by how you treat people especially when they make mistakes.
  • Sales Pitch

    Bubba Joe's first military assignment was to a military induction center, and, because he was a good talker, they assigned him the duty of advising new recruits about the government benefits, especially the GI insurance to which they were entitled.

    Before long the Captain in charge of the induction center began noticing that Bubba was getting a 99 percent sign-up for the top GI insurance.

    This was odd, because it would cost these poor inductees nearly $30.00 per month more for their higher coverage than what the government was already granting.
    The Captain decided that he would sit in the back of the room and observe Bubba's sales pitch. Bubba Joe stood up before his latest group of inductees and stated, "If you have the normal GI insurance and go to Iraq and are killed, the government pays your beneficiary $6,000." "If you take out the supplemental GI insurance, which will cost you an additional $30.00 per month, the government pays your beneficiary $200,000." "Now," Bubba concluded, "which bunch do you think they're gonna send into combat first?"