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    A couple was going out for the evening to celebrate their anniversary. The taxi arrived, and, just as they started out the door, their dog shot back into the house. They didn't want the dog shut inside all night, so the wife went out to the taxi while the husband took care of the dog.

    The wife, not wanting it known that their home would be empty all evening, explained to the driver, "My husband will be here in a moment. He's just saying good-bye to my mother."

    When the breathless husband finally climbed into the cab, he said, "Sorry I took so long, but I had to poke that stupid bitch with a coat hanger to get her to come out from under the bed! Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching and biting me as I hauled her ass downstairs and tossed her in the backyard!"

    The silence in the cab was deafening.
  • Deer Hunting A group of Alabama friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where`s Henry?" the others...

  • The Old Repair Man The Kosher bakeries motzah machine speed controlled drive system was down and the company was losing $5,000 an hour in profits. They placed an emergency call to their maintenance department, but...
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    The bartender says, "Well, seems you`re in a really good mood tonight, hmmm?"
    Billy-Bob says, "Oh, you can bet...
  • Height of Automation Hello! Is this Gordon`s Pizza?
    No sir, it`s Google`s Pizza.
    Did I dial the wrong number?
    No sir, Google bought the pizza store....
  • Spiritual Gift A minister of a church loved peach brandy. One of his congregants would make him a bottle each Christmas. One year, when the minister went to visit his friend, hoping for his usual present he was not...