|John and Mary were high school sweethearts, but had never had sex.|
"We must wait until we are married," Mary told him. He waited.
They were engaged for years, until the big day arrived. On their wedding night, Mary shyly confessed, "I have bad news. I started my period and I don't want our first time to be all messy!"
John moaned, "You're kidding."
Mary said, "We'll just have to wait a while longer."
Mary fell asleep, but awoke at 3 AM and noticed John was wide-awake, staring at the ceiling.
"John, you might as well go to sleep."
John sighed, "I would, except my dick's so hard there's not enough skin left to close my eyes!"