A Marine, fresh back from a year at a North African embassy, told his wife, "Honey, I didn't waste all my time alone over there. Instead, I mastered the art of mind over matter. Watch this!"

    He dropped his pants and stood naked before her.

    "Dick, Attention!" And immediately it did.

    "Dick, at EASE!" And down it went.

    "That's amazing," said his wife. "Would you mind showing that to my friend, Susie?"

    "Not at all. Go get her."

    She left and returned with her hot young next door neighbor.

    "All right, watch this: Dick, Attention!" Up it went.

    Then, "Dick, at EASE!" But nothing happened.

    "Dick, at EASE!" But still nothing.

    "For the last time, AT EASE!" Nothing.

    The embarrassed Marine ran to the bathroom while his wife made excuses for him and then headed for the bathroom, where she found him masturbating.

    "What are you doing?" she demanded.

    He looked up and replied, "I'm givin' this son-of-a-bitch a dishonorable discharge!"
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