Santa walks into a bar. He asks the barman, "How tall is a penguin?"

    The barman says about three feet.

    Santa, "Don't you get any penguins taller than that!"

    The barman says, "Maybe maximum four feet but no taller than that."

    Santa, "Oh shit, in that case I just drove over a nun."
  • Wife vs Girfriend Wife is like a TV and Girlfriend is like a MOBILE. At home you watch TV, but when you go out you take your MOBILE with you. Sometimes you enjoy TV, but most of the time, you play with your mobie...
  • Your Job Sucks? Stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains...
  • The Greatest Faith An airbus with 346 passengers on board met with technical problems and as the message was flashed to the passengers, they started screaming with fear. The Captain said, "Don`t panic. I want to ask you...
  • Cheap Cruise Deal A blonde walking by a travel agency notices a sign in the window, "Cruise Special - $99!"
    She goes inside, hands the agent her money, and says, "I`d like the $99 cruise special, please...
  • Golf Riders After a round of golf, four ladies sat around the club house, chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked, "How did your game go?"
    The first lady, a brunette, said she had a good round...