Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair.

    A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie's stall. She was bending & he saw she was not wearing panties. He could see 7 written on both of her bums.

    He bet on 77 as he thought God had given him a clue. He lost again. The winning number was 707.

    Moral of the story: Never underestimate the importance of assholes in your life
  • Fucking Magic David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I`m going to need your wife Claudia and a table."
    "Ok", says David and the guy gets...
  • Take off Your Clothes And Get to Work Banta runs into his office, wearing only a hat and carrying a briefcase. His boss stops him and says, "What are you doing, Banta? Do you realize you`re naked? Shouldn`t this be your day off..
  • Visiting The Louvre Museum A Frenchwoman took her young daughter to the Louvre. As they stood before a statue of a nude male, the child pointed at its penis and asked, "Mama, what`s that?"
    "Oh, nothing, Cherie."
    "I want one," said the child...
  • Erectile Dysfunction Husband: I must say that you are very pretty to be a waitress. Can I know your name please...?

    Waitress: That is very nice of you, sir. My name is Isabella.

    Husband: Nice name...
  • Help With Counting Money Patel: Remove your clothes.
    Wife: Why Remove my clothes?
    Patel: Just do and come beside me on the bed.
    Wife: Okay they are off...