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    Two guys were talking at the bar. One said, "I didn't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything and what she doesn't have she buys for herself. I asked a friend what to give her and he suggested a gift certificate for an hour of great sex, any way she wanted it." "Great idea! Did you do it?" "Yeah." "And did she like it?" "Yeah, that's why I'm here, drinking alone. She loved it so much, she jumped up and down, thanked me, and ran out the door, yelling, 'See you in an hour'!"
  • The First Dance At an Irish wedding, everyone got drunk. The bride`s and groom`s families wrecked the reception hall fighting with each other. The police had to break up the fighting. The next week, both families were in court...
  • The Melting Touch Once upon a time there lived a King. The King had a beautiful daughter, The PRINCESS. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what; Metal, Wood, Stone, Anything she touched...
  • Importance of Assholes Every year Simon entered the state lottery hoping to win. He never did. Finally he prayed vigorously, hoping for God's message, he walked around the fair. A flash of lightning struck as he was passing Suzie`s...
  • Pregnant Footballer There was an soccer player anxious to make it into one of the Premier league teams. When he found out about the trials being held he held a party with his chums. One of them brought along some Marijuana...
  • Fucking Magic David Copperfield is doing his magic show and asks if anyone would like to show him a trick. "I will", replies a guy in the audience, "but I`m going to need your wife Claudia and a table."
    "Ok", says David and the guy gets...