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    Chap goes in to a bar and orders a vodka and coke. Barman serves him. Man drinks it orders another. This goes on for a while, until the chap begins to slow down.

    Barman asks, "Is there anything the matter, sir?"

    Chap replies, "I had an enormous argument with the wife. She said she won't speak to me for a month. I have to sleep on the sofa."

    Barman says, "Best bet is to stop drinking, go home, and don't let this argument carry on passed the first night. Nip it in the bud."

    Chap says, "You don't understand. This is the last night."
  • Smoking While Praying Cecil and Morris are walking to services and Cecil asks, "I wonder whether it would be all right to smoke while praying?"
    "Why don`t you ask the rabbi?" says Morris. Cecil sees Rabbi Golden...
  • Guys & Dolls Tournament A man and wife were playing in their club`s annual `Guys and Dolls` tournament. The man was not happy about having to play, but his wife insisted. On the 12th tee, his patience had reached its limit. While his wife wasted...
  • Nice Flowers An absent-minded husband thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife`s birthday and their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist...
  • Grounds For Divorce "Your Honor," she told the judge, "I want a divorce. My husband has been cheating on me."
    "That is a serious accusation," the judge said. "Do you have any...
  • The Less You Drink... A bloke went into a pub, sat down at the bar and ordered five pots. The barman wondered since he was alone, but served up the five pots. And the bloke downed them all... one, two, three, four, five...