•  

    I was working in a scrap yard during summer vacation at an engineering university. I worked repairing construction equipment. One afternoon, I was taking apart a piling hammer that had some very large bolts holding it together. One of the nuts had corroded on to the bolt, so to free it I started heating the nut with an oxyacetylene torch. As I was doing this, one of the dimmest apprentices I have ever known came along. He asked me what I was doing. I patiently explained that if I heated the nut, it would grow larger and release its grip on the bolt, so I could then remove it.

    "So, things get larger when they get hot, do they?" he asked.

    "Yes," I said. "That's why days are longer in summer and shorter in winter."

    There was a long pause, then his face cleared. "You know, I always wondered about that," he said.
  • Proud Of Daddy Three boys are in the schoolyard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, and they give him...
  • Premature Obituary Brad and Mike are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. Much of their relationship is based on pragmatism rather than real friendship...
  • Fix The Outhouse Ma was in the kitchen fiddling around when she hollers out, "Pa! You need to go out and fix the outhouse!"
    Pa replies, "There ain`t nothing wrong with the outhouse...
  • The Missing Shoe One evening, a man gave his tipsy secretary a ride home after an office party. His wife was prone to jealousy, so he didn`t mention the incident to her. Later in the evening, he was driving his wife...
  • How Gullible Are We? A freshman at Eagle Rock Junior High won first prize at the Greater Idaho Falls Science Fair. In his project he urged people to sign a petition demanding strict control or total elimination...