•  

    Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I ve got a trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there`s somebody under it. I get under the bed; I think there`s somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under, you got to help me, I`m going crazy!"
    "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears."
    "How much do you charge?"
    "A hundred dollars per visit."
    "I`ll sleep on it," said Shakey.
    Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street.
    "Why didn`t you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist.
    "For a hundred buck`s a visit? A bartender cured me for ten dollars."
    "Is that so! How?"
    "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
  • Great memory... 'That is great! And what was the name of the clinic?'
    Fred went blank. He thought and thought, but could not remember. Then a smile broke across his face and he asked, 'What do you call that flower with the long stem and...
  • Ticket please! Three Engineers and three Accountants are going on a business trip by train. At the train station, the 3 accountants are ordering 3 tickets while the engineers are only ordering one ticket. The accountants ask 'Why only one ticket ?', the engineers reply that they have a scheme...
  • Riding blonde ! A blonde Decemberides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse, unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs...
  • Watermelons: There was a farmer who grew watermelons. He was doing pretty well, but he was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat his watermelons. After some careful thought, he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. He made up a sign and
  • Ban plastic bags... Sam and John were out cutting wood, and John cut his arm off. Sam wrapped the arm in a plastic bag and took it and John to a surgeon. The surgeon said: 'You are in luck! I am an expert at reattaching limbs! Come back in four hours.' So Sam came back in four hours and...