An Obituary printed in the London Times...Absolutely 'dead' brilliant.

    Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape. He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

    Knowing when to come in out of the rain;
    Why the early bird gets the worm;
    Life isn't always fair;
    And maybe it was my fault.

    Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

    His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.

    Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job that they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

    It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student; but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant and wanted to have an abortion.

    Common Sense lost the will to live as the churches became businesses; and criminals received better treatment than their victims.

    Common Sense took a beating when you couldn't defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.

    Common Sense finally gave up the will to live, after a woman failed to realize that a steaming cup of coffee was hot. She spilled a little in her lap, and was promptly awarded a huge settlement.

    Common Sense was preceded in death,
    by his parents, Truth and Trust,
    by his wife, Discretion,
    by his daughter, Responsibility,
    and by his son, Reason.

    He is survived by his 5 stepbrothers;
    I Know My Rights
    I Want It Now
    Someone Else Is To Blame
    I'm A Victim
    Pay me for Doing Nothing

    Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
  • The Perfect Man! A man walked out to the street and caught a taxi just going by. He got into the taxi, and the cabbie said, "Perfect timing. You`re just like Brian."
    Passenger: "Who?"
    Cabbie: "Brian. He`s a guy...
  • Most Embarrassing Moment An American girl was visiting England and was invited to a party. While dancing with a stuffy monocled Englishman, her necklace became unfastened and slipped down the back of her dress...
  • Good Deed A man appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.
    "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
    "Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered...
  • Hunting Gone Wrong A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn`t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out...
  • Antique Collectors' Dinner A Colombian, Russian, Arab and a Punjabi were in a discussion during an Antique Collectors` Dinner. Colombian Drug Lord: "I have loads of money... I want to buy the world`s 10 rarest pens...