•  

    One of Russia's Ambassadors was having dinner with Putin and said that time zones around the world confused him.

    "Why?" Putin asks.

    "Ah, Mr. President, I called Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me it's tomorrow. I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it was yesterday."

    "Well, these are just minor inconveniences," Says Putin.

    "Do you remember when that Polish plane crashed with their President on board? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!"
  • Blonde Witness A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
    "Objection!" said the defense attorney...
  • Wonderful Spouse Congratulating a friend after her son and daughter got married within a month of each other, a woman asked, "What kind of boy did your daughter marry?"
    "Oh, he`s wonderful," gushed the mother. "He lets her..
  • Show Business A man is hired by the circus to perform a necessary but rather unpleasant task. He is asked to walk behind the elephants in the center ring, shoveling aside their droppings as they walk about. After a rather...
  • Common Sense is Dead Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was, since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic...
  • Superfast Turtle A guy comes walking into a bar with a turtle in his hand. The turtle`s one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape....