• A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates. Saint Peter asks him "What have you done to merit entrance into Heaven?"
    The Lawyer thought a moment, then said, "A week ago, I gave a quarter to a homeless person on the street."
    Saint Peter asked Gabriel to check this out in the record, and after a moment Gabriel affirmed that this was true.
    Saint Peter said, "Well , that`s fine, but it`s not really quite enough to get you into Heaven."
    The Lawyer said, "Wait Wait! There`s more! Three years ago I also gave a homeless person a quarter."
    Saint Peter nodded to Gabriel, who after a moment nodded back, affirming this, too, had been verified.
    Saint Peter then whispered to Gabriel, "Well, what do you suggest we do with this fellow?"
    Gabriel gave the Lawyer a sidelong glance, then said to Saint Peter, "Let`s give him back his 50 cents and tell him to go to Hell."
  • Not finished yet ! A drunk walks into a crowded bar and takes the last barstool next to an older woman. After awhile, the woman starts to smell this horrible odor coming from the direction of the drunk.
    She turns to him and says, 'Excuse me Mister, but did you just...
  • Escaping Banta ! Banta came into the bar, with a big scowl on his face, and ordered a drink.
    The bartender says, 'You look a mite angry. What`s wrong?'
    Banta says, 'Well, I was in bed with this gal, and we heard her husband coming in, so I jumped out the window and held on to the window sill. He came over to the window and saw me, and...
  • Accident ! Santa and Banta driving on a street, in different directions. Out of some unfortunate mishap, the cars slammed into each other, head-on. They were able to get out of their cars without any serious injury, but the cars were totaled.
    Before Santa could say anything, Banta said...
  • Santa in court A man was on trial for selling drugs, and his neighbour, Santa, was called as a witness.
    The prosecutor asked: 'Did you ever get any cocaine from the defendant?'
    'No, sir,' answered Santa.
    'Did you ever get any...
  • Secret !! Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared.
    'Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success,' he cackled. 'I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.'
    The celebrants were impressed and asked...
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