•  

    One day Johnny was at church and ask the priest may I go to the bathroom, the priest said.
    "Yes you may."
    Johnny left and headed for the woods. He found a big tree and crouched down to take a dump. Meanwhile, the priest went looking for him in the woods.
    Johnny heard the priest coming, wiped his butt with a leaf and pulled his pants up. Johnny then took his hat off and put it on top of the poop.
    The priest saw him and said, "What do you got underneath there?"
    Johnny hesitated and said, " The fastest bird in the world."
    The priest said, "Oh yeah, let`s see."
    "Ok" Johnny said, "On the count of 3, when I take the hat off, I want you to grab the bird."
    "1 - 2 - 3." Johnny pulled the hat away and the priest grabbed the poop.
    "WOW, that bird is so fast it left the poop behind" said Johnny.
  • Nice trade It was a dark, stormy, night. Santa was on his first assignment, and it was guard duty.
    A Brigadier stepped out taking his dog for a walk. The nervous Santa snapped to attention, made a perfect salute, and snapped out 'Sir, Good Evening, Sir!'
    The Brigadier, out for some relaxation, returned the salute and said 'Good evening soldier, nice night, isn`t...
  • Drunken nun ! John was sitting outside his local pub one day, enjoying a quiet pint and generally feeling good about himself, when a nun suddenly appears at his table and starts decrying the evils of drink.
    'You should be ashamed of yourself young man! Drinking is a Sin! Alcohol is the blood of the devil!'
    Now John gets pretty annoyed about this, and goes...
  • Suicide !! Suicide !! Banta and his wife, Preeto were shocked when Preeto`s doctor says she has a heart condition that could kill her at any time. She is to avoid stress, eat right, and never, ever have sex again--the strain would be too much.
    So Banta and Preeto reluctantly try to live by these rules. Both get really horny over time, however, and Banta decides he`d better...
  • Stunt plane Santa and and his wife, Jeeto, went to a fair. Santa had never been on an airplane, was fascinated by a stunt plane and asked the pilot how much aride would cost.
    'Rupees one thousand for 3 minutes' the pilot replied.
    'That`s too much' said Santa.
    The pilot thought for a second and then said...
  • Lawyer`s statue A man was browsing in an antique store when he came upon a statue of a rat. He asked the price and the owner said, 'The statue of the rat is $100; the legend behind the statue is another $100.'
    The man agreed to buy only the statue itself, although the owner warned as he left, 'You`ll be back for...