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    A little old lady answered a knock on the door one day, only to be confronted by Banta, carrying a vacuum cleaner.
    "Good morning", said Banta. "If I could take a couple of minutes of your time, I would like to demonstrate the very latest in high powered vacuum cleaners."
    "Go away!" said the old lady. "I haven't got any money!"
    And she proceeded to close the door. Quick as a flash, Banta wedged his foot in the door and pushed it wide open.
    "Don't be too hasty!", he said. "Not until you have at least seen my demonstration."
    And with that, he emptied a bucket of horse manure onto her hallway carpet.
    "If this vacuum cleaner does not remove all traces of this horse manure from your carpet, Madam, I will personally eat the remainder."
    "Well," she said, "I hope you've got a damned good appetite, because the electricity was cut off this morning."
  • Overweight dog Santa took his dog to the vet for its annual check-up.
    'Your dog is overweight,' the vet said. 'You should cut back on his food a little and make sure he gets some exercise. Try playing...
  • Statue's revenge! In a city park stood two statues, one female and the other male. These two statues faced each other for many years.
    Early one morning an angel appeared before the statues and said, 'Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to...
  • Tough job! There's a man trying to cross the street. As he steps off the curb a car comes screaming around the corner and heads straight for him. The man walks faster, trying to hurry across the street, but the car changes lanes and is still coming at him.
    So the guy turns around to go back...
  • Entry to Heaven! 'If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?' Robert asked the children in a school class.
    'NO!' the children all answered.
    'If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and...
  • True friend! Murphy and his friend George go golfing together one Saturday morning, as they have done for 20 years straight.
    Later that day, Murphy returns home exhausted, and plops down in the easy chair. His wife is concerned and asks if something went wrong with his game.
    'No, no,' he replied, 'I had the...