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    A fellow bought a new Mercedes on the Christmas eve and was out on the highway for a nice evening drive. The top was down, the breeze was blowing through what was left of his hair and he decided to open her up.
    As the needle jumped up to 80 mph, he suddenly saw flashing red and blue lights behind him.
    "There's no way they can catch a Mercedes," he thought to himself and opened her up further.
    The needle hit 90, 100.... Then the reality of the situation hit him.
    "What in the heck am I doing?" he thought and pulled over.
    The cop came up to him, took his license without a word and examined it and the car. "It's been a long day, this is the end of my shift and it's Christmas eve. I don't feel like more paperwork, so if you can give me an excuse for your driving that I haven't heard before, you can go."
    The guy thinks for a second and says, "Last week my wife ran off with a cop. I was afraid you were trying to give her back!" "Have a nice Christmas," said the officer.
  • Secret service A guy was coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands.
    He grabbed him by the hand and pulled him aside and said...
  • Christmas prayer Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents the week before Christmas. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the youngest one began...
  • Ouststanding! A man is driving down a country road, when he spots Santa standing in the middle of a huge field of grass.
    He pulls the car over to the side of the road and...
  • Jumping Santa Santa was asked to try out a new parachute with a radio link to a guy on the ground, the guy on the ground would say when to pull the release cord for the parachute.
    Santa jumped out of the plane and started to fall when...
  • Beggar's bed A woman sat down on a park bench, glanced around and decided to stretch out her legs on the seat and relax.
    After a while a dirty old beggar came up to her and said, 'Good Morning...