Banta sets up Santa to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Santa is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before.
    "What do I do if she's ugly?" says Santa, "I'll be stuck with her all night."
    "Don't worry," Banta says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaaaaauuuuuuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack."
    So that night, Santa knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is.
    He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: ..."Aaaaaaaaaaauuugguuughhh!"
  • Common sense! A man walked up to a farmer as he came out of a voting booth, 'I'm from the CBI.'
    'What seems to be the trouble?'
    'We happen to know that you accepted a bribe...
  • The Defendant 'So let me get this straight,' the prosecutor says to the defendant. 'You came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange man.'
    'That's correct,' replies...
  • Confessional At one local church, Jack was in charge of taking up the offerings. One Sunday after the services, the priest counted the cash and found it was smaller than anticipated. So he...
  • Loyalty oath An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.
    But until now, she'd never even been...
  • Smart compliment At the conclusion of the sermon, the worshipers filed out of the sanctuary to greet the minister.
    As one of them left, he shook the minister's hand, thanked him for the sermon and said...