Two guys, of limited intelligence, were on a ship that sank in the middle of the ocean. They managed to inflate a rubber life raft and grab a box of provisions before their ship slipped under the surface. After floating under blazing heat, for 6 days, they ran out of food and water. On the 10th day, bleary eyed and half dead from heat, thirst and starvation, they spotted a small object floating toward them in the water. As it drew near, they were ecstatic to find that it was an old oil lamp (the kind that genies come in). They grabbed the lamp and rubbed it.
    Out popped a tired old genie who said, "OK, so you freed me from the stupid lamp, but hey, I’ve been doing this 3-wishes stuff for a while now and quite frankly, I`m burned out. You guys only get one wish and then I’m out’a here. Make it a good one."
    The first guy, blurted out, without thinking, "Give us all the beer we can drink for the rest of our lives!"
    "Fine," said the genie, and he instantly turned the entire Ocean to beer.
    "Great move, Einstein", said the second guy, slapping the first guy in the side of the head,
    "Now we’re gonna have to piss in the boat."
  • Are you serious? An Irish man walks into a bar and there`s a 7 foot tall Bar Tender there. The Bar Tender punches the Irish Man on the face. The Irish man falls on the floor. He finally get up and says to the Bar Tender
  • Billing of a lawyer? A prominent young attorney was on his way to court to begin arguments on a complex lawsuit when he suddenly found himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter started to escort him inside, when he began to protest that his untimely death had to be some sort...
  • The entry to heaven! Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
    St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, 'What was the name of the ship that crashed into...
  • The sane advice of a lawyer? Two guys, George and Harry, set out in a hot air balloon to cross the Atlantic ocean.
    After 37 hours in the air, George says Harry, we better lose some altitude so we can see where we are.
    Harry lets out some of the hot air in the balloon, and the balloon descends to below the cloud...
  • Mom`s Letter I`m writing this slow because I know you can`t read fast. We don`t live where we did when you first left. Your Dad read in the paper that most accidents happen within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won`t be able to send you the address as the last family here...