A monkey is sitting in a tree smoking a joint when a lizard walks past and looks up and says to the monkey, "Hey! what are you doing?"

    The monkey says, "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."

    So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have a few joints. After a while the lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get adrink from the river. The lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.

    A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the lizard and helps him to the side, then asks the lizard, "What's the matter with you?"

    The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the monkey in the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.

    The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the jungle, finds the tree were the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint, and he looks up and says, "Hey you!"

    The Monkey looks down and says, "Faaaaaaark dude.......how much water did you drink?!
  • Freezing Cold A drunk stumbles out of a bar and he makes his way into the cemetery behind the tavern. He walks right to the edge of a freshly dug grave, loses his balance and falls in.
    There's a puddle of water...
  • Special Skills 'So tell me, Mrs. Smith,' asked the interviewer, 'do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?'
    'Well, actually, yes,' said the applicant modestly...
  • New Fathers A Pole, an Italian, and a Jew, all first-time fathers, are pacing nervously in the maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding a black baby.
    'Is it yours?' she asks...
  • Xmas Shopping Christmas was coming near and it was time for Little Johnny to finish his holiday shopping. He went into a toy shop, took a toy plane, gave the shopkeeper fake money and started to leave.
    The shopkeeper spoke up...
  • Perfectionst A district minister arrived one Sunday morning in a small rural town. The local minister asked the district minister to help with a local problem.
    'Everyone here thinks they are just perfect!' said the local minister. 'Could you preach a sermon that...