• Disturbance in Barroom

    A police officer responded to a report of a barroom disturbance.

    The "disturbance" turned out to be well over six feet tall and weighed almost 300 pounds. What's more, he boasted that he could whip the officer and the "Heavy Weight Boxing Champion of the World."

    Said the policeman, "I'll bet that you're also an escape artist too, probably better than Houdini."

    The giant nodded.

    "If I had some chains," the officer continued, "you could show us how strong you really are. But all I've got is a set of handcuffs. Why don't you see just how quickly you can break out of them?"

    Once in the cuffs, the man puffed, pulled and jerked for four minutes.

    "I can't get out of these," the giant growled.

    "Are you sure?" the officer asked.

    The fellow tried again. "Nope," he replied. "I can't do it."
    "In that case," said the officer, "you're under arrest."
  • Got to be careful while paying by credit card!!!!

    Yesterday I got my permit to carry a concealed weapon.

    So, today I went over to the local Gun shop to get a handgun for home/personal protection.

    When I was ready to pay for the pistol and ammo, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me."

    Making a mental note to complain to the government about gun control wackos running amok... I did just as she had instructed.

    When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided... I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader..!!!

    As a senior citizen... I do not get flustered often... but this time it took me a while to get my pants back on!!!

    I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little more clear. And I just need to wear underwear more often.
  • Forgiveness

    The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands. Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question.

    This time he received a response of about 80 percent. Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.

    "Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

    "I don't have any."

    "Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

    "Ninety three."

    "Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world."

    The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said, "It's easy, I just outlived the useless bitches."
  • The Royal Saas-Bahu Saga

    So the Saas Bahu saga has not spared Buckingham Palace too. Just when Prince Harry and Meghan Markle decided to become financially independent and move to US/ Canada, all hell broke loose.

    Dadi-Saas, the Queen is furious because "Khandaan Ka Chhota Chirag" has got influenced by "Chhoti Bahu" and is breaking "Rajwaadon" Ka centuries old tradition of feeding on taxpayer's money.

    Chachaji, Bade Bhaiyya and Bhabhi are upset coz, "Humse Toh Salah Mashwara Kiya Hi Nahin, Khud Hi Decide Kar Liya... Ye Hi Izzat Hai Hamari Unke Dil Mein!!!"

    I'm sure somewhere some Maami - Chachi must be feeling vindicated, "Maine Kaha Tha Meri Devrani Ki Behen Ki Beti Se Shaadi Karo Harry Ki... Us Amriki Ladki Ko Ghar Mein Laoge Toh Ghar Toot Jaayega. Bahu Nahin, Nagin Hai Nagin. Dekhna, Ek Din Mere Harry Ko Bhi Dhokha Degi... Tab Dauda Chale Aayega Humse Maafi Maangne."

    There must be speculations regarding "Ghar Ka Bantwara... Jaamun Ka Ped Kiske Hisse Mein Aayega". And of course, "Log Kya Kahenge... Royal prince and Dutchess working to earn a livelihood... Khandaan Ka Naam Mitti Mein Mila Diya Beta Bahu Ne."

    Prince William must be standing in front of Lady Diana's pic, consoling his dad and saying, "Aaj Maa Zinda Hoti To Aisa Kabhi Nahin Hone Deti."

    But I think Badi Bahu, Kate Middleton must be having the last laugh, "Chhote Ghar Se Hui Toh Kya Hua... Sanskar Aur Khandaan Ki Pratishtha Toh Maine Hi Sambhali Hai..."