• Kids and Marriage

    HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
    You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10

    WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
    Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10


    HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

    You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8

    WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
    Both don't want any more kids. -- Lori, age 8

    WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
    Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. -- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure)

    WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
    I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. -- Craig, age 9

    WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
    When they're rich. -- Pam, age 7
    The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them. It's the right thing to do. -- Howard, age 8 (this one has very good morals)

    IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
    I don't know which is better, but I'll tell you one thing. I'm never going to have sex with my wife. I don't want to be all grossed out. -- Theodore, age 8
    It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

    HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
    There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --Kelvin, age 8
  • Almost Perfect First Day

    It seems that a young man volunteered for Navy service during World War II. He had such a high aptitude for aviation that he was sent right to Pensacola, skipping boot camp.

    The very first day at Pensacola, he soloed and was the best flier on the base. All they could do was give him his gold wings and assign him immediately to an aircraft carrier in the Pacific.

    On his first day aboard, he took off and single-handedly shot down six Japanese zeroes. Then climbing up to 20,000 ft., he found nine more Japanese planes and shot them all down, too. Noting that his fuel was getting low, he descended, circled the carrier, and came in for a perfect landing on the deck.

    He threw back the canopy, climbed out, and jogged over to the captain. Saluting smartly, he said, "Well, sir, how did I do on my very first day?"

    The captain turned around, bowed, and replied, "You make one velly impoltant mistake!"
  • Anniversary Gift

    Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really pissed.

    She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!"

    The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

    Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, and brought the box back in the house.

    She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

    Bob has been missing since Sunday.
  • George And The Dragon

    A poor vagabond, traveling a country road in England, tired and hungry, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: 'GEORGE AND THE DRAGON'.

    He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window.

    "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked.

    The woman glanced at his shabby clothes and obviously poor condition, "No!" she said rather sternly.

    "Could I have a drink of water?"

    "No!" she said again.

    "Could I at least sleep in your stable then?"

    "NO!" By this time she was fairly shouting.

    The vagabond still continued, "Might I please...?"

    "What *now*?" the woman interrupted impatiently.

    "D'ye suppose," he asked... "I might have a word with George?"