|Young Chuck, moved to Montana and bought a horse from a farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the horse the next day.|
The next day he drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the horse died."
Chuck replied, "Well, then just give me my money back."
The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."
Chuck said, "Ok, then, just bring me the dead horse."
The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?"
Chuck said, "I'm going to raffle him off."
The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead horse!"
Chuck said, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he's dead."
A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, "What happened with that dead horse?"
Chuck said, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a net profit of $898.00."
The farmer said, "Didn't anyone complain?"
Chuck said, "Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back."
|Mark was hiking along a mountainous trail when he lost his footing and slipped over the side of a cliff. After falling approximately 15 feet he ran into the branches of a tree growing out the side of the cliff.|
While hanging on for dear life, he looked down and saw that it was at least a 200 foot drop to the bottom. In desperation he started calling for help. "Is anybody up there?! I've fallen over the side, and I need help!"
A loud booming voice that echoed through the mountains said, "I am the Lord. Let go of thy branch and ye will be safe!"
Mark could hardly believe his ears. This was indeed the voice of God, and it echoed loud and clear. Realizing this he looked down again at the 200 foot drop, looked up again, and cried out, "Is anybody else up there?!"
|"What's that drink you're mixing" the stranger asked the bartender in the upscale Tex-Mex bar.|
"I call it a lil' Texas Shooter", said the bartender as he continued to mix up several batches of the drink.
"What's in it ?" asked the stranger.
"Sugar, milk and rum." said the barkeep.
"Is it good ?" asked the man.
"Sure is senor." said the bartender smiling. "The sugar gives you pep, and the milk gives you plenty of energy."
"And the rum?" asked the stranger.
"Hell man. That gives ya plenty of ideas what to do with all that pep and energy." quipped the bartender.
|A man walks into a a bar, drinks a couple of beers, and prepares to leave. The bartender tells him that he owes $10.|
"But I already paid you. Don't you remember?" says the customer.
"OK," says the bartender, "if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The man goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can't keep track of whether his customers have paid or not.
The second man rushes in, orders a couple beers, and later pulls the same stunt.
The barkeep again replies, "OK, if you say you paid, then I suppose you did."
The customer then heads outside and tells a friend how he too can get free drinks.
The third man hurries in and begins to drink highballs.
The bartender leans over and says, "You know, a funny thing happened tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid, and both claimed they had. The next guy who tries that stunt is going to get punched in the balls..."
The man interrupts, "Don't bother me with your troubles. Just give me my change and I'll be on my way."