|Three cowboys, one from Texas, one from Kansas and one from Oklahoma went into a bar bragging about who was the baddest of the three.|
The Texan said watch this and yelled at the barmaid, "Hey, barmaid. Bring me a pitcher of beer and get your ass over here."
When the barmaid got there the Texan guzzled down the whole pitcher, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off one of his fingers. She was startled.
The cowboy from Kansas yelled out, "Hey, bitch bring me a beer with a shot of tequila and get your ass over here with it."
Upon the barmaid getting there he drank the beer and tequila down, laid his hand on the table, whipped out his forty-five and shot off two fingers.
The barmaid was terrified at this, especially after just witnessing the Texan.
The Oklahoma cowboy spoke out and told the barmaid, "Honey, bring me a whole bottle of tequila and hurry".
Upon her arrival, he drank the entire bottle of tequila, unzipped his pants and slams his dick on the table.
The barmaid screamed "You aren't going to shoot that off are you?"
"Hell no, I want you to kiss it. It will go off by itself."
|A man went to a famous Parisian restaurant with his girlfriend and ordered the 1928 Mouton. The waiter returned with the bottle, poured a taste into a glass.|
The customer picked up the glass, smelled the wine, and put it down with a thud, "This is not the 1928 Mouton."
The waiter assured him that it was and soon a small crowd surrounded the table to convince him the wine was the 1928 Mouton.
Eventually someone asked, "What makes you think it is not the 1928 Mouton?"
"Because my name is Phillipe de Rothschild. I make the wine."
The original waiter blushed and admitted that he poured a Clerc Milon 1928.
"I could not bear to part with our last bottle of 1928 Mouton. You know Clerc Milon: it is from the same village as Mouton, you pick the grapes at the same time, the same cepage, you crush in the same way, you put them in similar barrels, you bottle them at the same time, and even use eggs from the same chickens to refine them. The wines are the same, save for a small distance of geographic location."
Rothschild responded, `When you go to bed tonight with your wife, put one finger in one opening, another finger in the other, and then smell both fingers. Then you may understand the difference a small distance in geographic location makes!"
|Ben is having a drink in his local bar when in walks this gorgeous woman. Ben, not being too shy, goes up and sits next to her. He buys her a drink and then another and then another.|
After this and the accompanying small-talk, Ben asks her back to his place for a "good time."
"Look," says the woman, "what do you think I am? I don't turn into a slut after 3 drinks, you know!"
"OK," replies Ben, "so how many does it take?"
|A guy is about three steps inside a bar when he realizes it's a gay bar.|
"What the heck? I really want a drink," he thinks, and sits down.
A waiter approaches and says, "What's the name of your penis?"
The guy says, "Look, buddy, I'm not into that. All I want is a drink."
The waiter says, "I'm sorry, sir, but I can't serve you until you give me the name of your penis."
So the customer says, "All right, you go first: what's the name of your penis?"
The waiter says, "Nike... as in, 'Just Do It'."
The guy only thinks a moment, then says, "My penis is called 'Secret.'"
"Yeah... strong enough for a man, but made for a woman!"