|Joe is sitting at a bar, staring at the sexy bartender. He slapped a ten on the table and says, "I bet I can keep an eye on this drink while I go to the bathroom."|
She knew the bathroom was around the corner so she accepted the bet. Joe took his glass eye out placed it beside the glass and went to the bathroom.
"Betcha I can bite my own ear," Jor challenged. The bet was accepted and he took out his false teeth & nipped his ear. Once more he scooped up the money.
"Okay," he said, "I'll give you a chance to win your money back. I bet I can make love to you so tenderly you won't feel a thing."
Now that was one thing she knew about so she accepted the bet. Joe lifted her skirt & away they went.
"I can feel you," she cried.
"Oh well," Joe said, "You win some, you lose some !!"
|A girl and her boyfriend go to the pub. When it's the girl's turn to buy a round, she tells him that she's heard of a wonderful new drink he simply must try.|
She returns with the usual half of lager for herself. For him, she has two glasses. One contains a measure of Bailey's, the other lime juice.
Instructions: "OK, what you gotta do is, you gotta swig the Bailey's, hold it in your mouth, and then drink the lime juice."
He looks a bit dubious, but she's very enthusiastic so he decides to give it a go.
First the Bailey's; lovely smooth, creamy, warm feeling in the mouth. Then he takes the lime juice.
T + 0.1 secs: The cream in the Bailey's curdles.
T + 0.3 secs: Boyfriend's face turns the color of fresh lime juice.
T + 0.6 secs: Boyfriend calms his stomach & swallows the gunge.
T + 1.5 secs: She whispers in his ear....
"It's called Blowjob revenge"
|An extremely ugly man was sitting in a bar having a drink with his friend, who is the exact opposite in fact he may be the most handsome man in town. The two of them are discussing a beautiful blond girl sitting at the bar.|
The handsome man said, "Boy I sure would like to get some of that.
The ugly man said, "Go ahead go for it.
The handsome man said, "There's no way She won't go with anybody I've tried many times."
The ugly man said, "I think I could go out with her if I wanted to."
The handsome man laughed and said, "If She won't go out with me She sure as hell won't go with you."
Ugly said, "I'll bet you fifty bucks She'll go with me."
Handsome says, "You're on." Ugly says, "Ok just leave the money with the bartender and I'll pick it up later."
He walks up to the girl starts talking and turned and walked out of the bar, with the girl right behind him.
The handsome man couldn't believe it. He went up to the bar and asked the bartender, "What happened, what did he say to her?"
The bartender told him, "Well he didn't say much. He just said it's a nice night for a walk. Then he licked his eyebrows and left."
|Guys were sitting around a bar talking about things they bet on. A woman down at the end of the bar says, "I bet on things!"|
The bartender says, "Oh Yeah! What do you bet on?"
Woman, "Most anything."
Bartender, "Like what for instance?"
Woman, "See that wall over there? I bet I can pee higher on that wall than you can!"
Bartender, (Thinks about this for a minute) "I'll take that bet! How much do you want to bet?"
Woman, "You name your poison."
Bartender, "I'll bet you a thousand bucks."
Bartender, "Ladies first."
Woman, Pulls up her dress, pulls down her panties, leans back and pees.
"Your turn," she replies.
Bartender, Unzips his pants gets his sure tool out; gets ready to pee.
Woman, "Hey.... NO HANDS!"