|I Met a guy in Las Vegas who really looked down in the dumps, so I asked him if he'd been cleaned out at the casinos.|
"It's worse than that," he said, "I blew almost all my dough at the casinos and then I was propositioned by this really great looking hooker as I was walking along the Strip. I told her I was nearly broke.
'Surely you've still got a hundred bucks for a quick one,' she said.
'Nope - don't have near that much,' I said.
'Well, how about fifty bucks for a blow job?'
I said, "Nope - don't have fifty bucks left.'
'Well then," she says, 'I can let you have a hand job for $25.'
And I said, "Really, I'd love to, but I don't even have that much left.'
So she says, "How about a wax job for five bucks?'
And I tell her I've never heard of a wax job, but she says, "Whadda ya got to lose?'
So we go behind a parked car in Bally's parking lot. I give her the five dollars and she kicks me in the nuts so hard the wax blows out of my ears."
|A very good looking man walks into a singles bar, gets a drink and has a seat.|
During the course of the evening he tries to chat with every single woman who walks into the bar, with no luck.
Suddenly a really ugly man, and I mean R-E-A-L-L-Y ugly man walks into the bar.
He sits at the bar, and within seconds he is surrounded by women. Very soon he walks out of the bar with the two of the most beautiful women you ever saw.
Disheartened by all this, the good looking man asks the barman, "Excuse me, but that really ugly man just came in here and left with those two stunning women - what's his secret? He's as ugly as sin and I'm everything a girl could want but have not been able to connect all night - What's going on?"
"Well," said the barman, "I don't know how he does it, but he does the same thing every night. He walks in, orders a drink, and just sits there licking his eyebrows..."
|A blonde orders a beer. The bartender fills the mug and slides it down the bar.|
It hits the blonde woman's boobs and splashes all over them.
The bartender goes over, retrieves the mug and licks the beer off her boobs.
Each time the blonde calls for another beer this happens.
So, after the third beer, a guy decides to help the bartender out.
The next time the bartender hit her boobs, the man jumps up and starts to lick her breasts. She decks him!
He is lying on the floor moaning, "Jeez, lady... Why do you let the bartender do it and not me?"
"Helloooo!" says the blonde. "Bert has a licker license!"
|A woman walks into a bar and orders two shots. She downs the first one..."This is for the shame", and then the second one..."This is for the glory."|
She then orders two more shots. She drinks the first one..."This is for the shame" and then the second one... "This is for the glory."
She is about to order two more shots when the bartender stops her.
"Ma'am, I was just wondering...what's this about shame and glory?"
"Well," she replies, "I like to do my housework naked. But when I bent over to pick something up, my Great Dane mounted me from behind."
"That must be the shame," the bartender said.
"No, that was the glory. The shame is when we got knotted together and he dragged me around the front yard for forty minutes."