• Piece of Ice???

    After a tourist had been served in the Las Vegas cocktail lounge, he beckoned the waitress back and said, "Miss, would y'all give me a piece of ass?"

    "Lord, that's the most direct proposition I've ever had!" gasped the girl.

    Then she smiled and added, "Sure, why not? It's pretty slow here right now, so let's go!"

    When the pair returned half an hour later, the man sat down at the same table and the waitress asked, "Will there be anything else?"

    "Yes," replied the tourist. "Where ah come from in Alabama, we lack our bourbon 'n watuh cold, so ah still need a piece uh ass for mah drink."
  • Alcohol and Sex

    Joe went to a party the other night and was having a real blast. After he'd been there a few hours, and more than just several drinks, he noticed this fabulous blonde standing over to the side. She was in her early to mid twenties with beautiful long blonde hair down to her waist. She was built like a brick, well, anyway she was built!

    The amazing thing was, she kept staring at him and smiling. Naturally, being a man, he decided to go try his luck. Like they say, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

    He went over and struck up a conversation with her (don't remember about what, but it had to be very interesting).

    Well, one thing led to another and she invited him back to her place and being the gentleman he was, he said, "OK."

    He would not go into all the details of the night, mainly because he didn't remember, but he awoke the next morning to the aroma of fresh coffee and bacon frying.

    He thought now this is great! He thought he might have a keeper here.

    He got up and got dressed and headed for the kitchen. When he got there, her mom, looked to be in her 70's or 80's was standing at the stove.

    Embarrassed, he stammered, "Where's your daughter?"

    She slowly turned around with a sly little smile on her face and said, "I don't have a daughter, stud."
  • Toilet Scribble

    Returning from the men's room, a bar customer was shaking his head.

    "What's the matter?" inquired the bartender.

    "While I was in the bathroom back there, I noticed among the scribbling on the wall, and one that said: WENDY GIVES REALLY FABULOUS HEAD - ABSOLUTELY THE GREATEST B.J. IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD!" replied the customer.

    "Ah buddy, I wouldn't give it a second thought, we get jerks in here like anywhere else," said the bartender.

    "I know," continue the headshaker. "One of them has scratched out the phone number!"
  • Wax Job!?!

    I Met a guy in Las Vegas who really looked down in the dumps, so I asked him if he'd been cleaned out at the casinos.

    "It's worse than that," he said, "I blew almost all my dough at the casinos and then I was propositioned by this really great looking hooker as I was walking along the Strip. I told her I was nearly broke.

    'Surely you've still got a hundred bucks for a quick one,' she said.

    'Nope - don't have near that much,' I said.

    'Well, how about fifty bucks for a blow job?'

    I said, "Nope - don't have fifty bucks left.'

    'Well then," she says, 'I can let you have a hand job for $25.'

    And I said, "Really, I'd love to, but I don't even have that much left.'

    So she says, "How about a wax job for five bucks?'

    And I tell her I've never heard of a wax job, but she says, "Whadda ya got to lose?'

    So we go behind a parked car in Bally's parking lot. I give her the five dollars and she kicks me in the nuts so hard the wax blows out of my ears."