|Two old drunks in a bar. The first one says, "Ya know, when I was 30 and got a hard-on, I couldn`t bend it with either of my hands. By the time I was 40, I could bend it about 10 degrees if I tried really hard. "By the time I was 50, I could bend it about 20 degrees, no problem. I`m gonna be 60 next week, and now I can almost bend it in half with just one hand"|
"So," says the second drunk, "what`s your point?"
"Well," says the first, "I`m just wondering how much stronger I`m gonna get!"
|During a wild party at a Long Island country house, Roxanne had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air.|
Getting to a grassy field, she lay down to watch the stars. Roxanne was almost asleep when a cow, searching for clover, carefully stepped over her.
Groggily, she raised her head and said, "One at a time boys, one at a time."
|An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink.
As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady
sat down next to him.|
She turned to him and asked: "Are you a real cowboy?"
He replied, "Well, I`ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
She replied, "I`m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."
A little while later, a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
His answer: "I always thought I was, but I just found out I`m a lesbian."
|"I smoke cigars beacuse at my age if I don`t have something to hold onto I might fall down." - George Burns|
"They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I`m going miss mine by just a few days." - Garrison Keillor
"The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare." - Ed Begley, Jr.
"Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups : alcohol, sugar, caffeine, and fat." - Alex Levine