• One at a time

    During a wild party at a Long Island country house, Roxanne had too much to drink and strolled outside for some air.

    Getting to a grassy field, she lay down to watch the stars. Roxanne was almost asleep when a cow, searching for clover, carefully stepped over her.
    Groggily, she raised her head and said, "One at a time boys, one at a time."
  • A real cowboy!

    An old cowboy went to a bar and ordered a drink. As he sat there sipping his whiskey, a young lady sat down next to him.
    She turned to him and asked: "Are you a real cowboy?"
    He replied, "Well, I`ve spent my whole life on the ranch, herding horses, mending fences, and branding cattle, so I guess I am."
    She replied, "I`m a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, watch TV, everything seems to make me think of women."
    A little while later, a couple sat down next to the old cowboy and asked him, "Are you a real cowboy?"
    His answer: "I always thought I was, but I just found out I`m a lesbian."
  • The latest ones !

    "I smoke cigars beacuse at my age if I don`t have something to hold onto I might fall down." - George Burns

    "They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I`m going miss mine by just a few days." - Garrison Keillor

    "The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare." - Ed Begley, Jr.

    "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups : alcohol, sugar, caffeine, and fat." - Alex Levine
  • A little too big !

    A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.
    The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your trousers."
    Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her. It reads:
    "Just so you know - I have a Mercedes AND a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, sweet-heart, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So send back the bottle."