• The latest ones !

    "I smoke cigars beacuse at my age if I don`t have something to hold onto I might fall down." - George Burns

    "They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad to realize that I`m going miss mine by just a few days." - Garrison Keillor

    "The food in Yugoslavia is fine if you like pork tartare." - Ed Begley, Jr.

    "Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups : alcohol, sugar, caffeine, and fat." - Alex Levine
  • A little too big !

    A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.
    The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your trousers."
    Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her. It reads:
    "Just so you know - I have a Mercedes AND a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, sweet-heart, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So send back the bottle."
  • Bar
  • Cash for drinks...

    Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
    Woman: Hey, what`s up? Haven`t you ever seen naked woman?
    Barman: Well, yes I have... I`m only interested - where will you take your cash from?