• Cash for drinks...

    Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
    Woman: Hey, what`s up? Haven`t you ever seen naked woman?
    Barman: Well, yes I have... I`m only interested - where will you take your cash from?
  • Blew Chunks !

    This guy goes into a bar and sees a sign over the bar with a picture of a man and the words "World`s Champ".
    The guy walks up to the bar and asks what the picture is all about. The bartender tells him that the guy is the Champ because he drank 39 pints of beer in one hour.
    The guy says "I can beat that record."
    He sits down and begins. He knocks back ten pints pretty fast. He is feeling drunk, but still in control. He gets 10 more down. He`s pretty messed up, but still coherent. He gets down the next ten, and a crowd gathers around. He gets down 5 more, and the crowd starts cheering. He is fading in and out of consciousness at this point. He blacks out as he breaks the record.
    He comes into the bar the next day, looking like hell. Sure enough his picture has replaced the previous one. The bartender congratulates him and offers him a round on the house.
    He says "No way dude, last night I blew Chunks."
    The bartender says "So what, we`ve all done that. Have a round."
    The guy replies "No man, you don t understand, I blew Chunks."
    The bartender goes "I don`t believe this shit! You`re the Champ and you won`t drink a round because you puked? That is ridiculous!!! The guy screams "You don`t get it asshole! Chunks is my dog!"
  • It`s Me !!!!

    A drunken man comes home with his friend. Reaching near his home he shows his friend his car and says, "This is my Car, and that my door, hitch brrrr ".
    They enter into the house, he continues giving information to his friend in his drunk tone, "U know...that`s my couch, he..he..Come, come".
    They take the stairs and he takes his friend to his bedroom where his wife is making love to this other guy and th`ey are both naked on the bed caught red handed. This man continues pointing towards his wife,
    "Hey buddy, that woman who is lying naked is my wife and that man on top of her is ME !!!!"
  • Dance Ballerina!

    This large, sweaty woman, wearing a sleeveless, stained sundress, walks into a bar. She raises her right arm, revealing a quite unshaven armpit as she points to all the people sitting at the bar. "What damn gentleman around here will buy this young lady a drink?" she demands in a deep, gravelly voice. The whole bar goes dead silent, as the patrons try to ignore her. The men next to her quickly move away -- mainly because of her body odor. At the end of the bar, a skinny little drunken man slams his hand on the bar and says: "Bartender! Put it on my tab. I want to buy that ballerina a drink!" The bartender obliges and pours the drink. After she chugalugs the drink, she turns again to the patrons and points around at all of them, again revealing her hirsute armpit. "What &%$#@ gentleman around here will buy a #@$%& young lady a drink?" she again asks. Once again, the little drunk slaps his hand down on the bar and says: "Bartender! I`d like to buy that ballerina another drink!" After serving the lady her second drink, the bartender approaches the little drunk. "It`s your business," says the bartender, "if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her a ballerina?" "Sir!" replies the drunk, "In my eyes, any woman who can lift her leg up that high has got to be a ballerina!"