• A little too big !

    A man enters a restaurant and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table alone. He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her -- knowing that if she accepts it, she will be his. The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman. She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note to the man.
    The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, a million in the bank, and 8 inches in your trousers."
    Well, the man, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her. It reads:
    "Just so you know - I have a Mercedes AND a BMW, and over TEN million in the bank. But not even for YOU, sweet-heart, would I cut 2 inches off my dick. So send back the bottle."
  • Bar
  • Cash for drinks...

    Absolutely naked woman enters the pub. Barman looks at her very attentively.
    Woman: Hey, what`s up? Haven`t you ever seen naked woman?
    Barman: Well, yes I have... I`m only interested - where will you take your cash from?
  • Blew Chunks !

    This guy goes into a bar and sees a sign over the bar with a picture of a man and the words "World`s Champ".
    The guy walks up to the bar and asks what the picture is all about. The bartender tells him that the guy is the Champ because he drank 39 pints of beer in one hour.
    The guy says "I can beat that record."
    He sits down and begins. He knocks back ten pints pretty fast. He is feeling drunk, but still in control. He gets 10 more down. He`s pretty messed up, but still coherent. He gets down the next ten, and a crowd gathers around. He gets down 5 more, and the crowd starts cheering. He is fading in and out of consciousness at this point. He blacks out as he breaks the record.
    He comes into the bar the next day, looking like hell. Sure enough his picture has replaced the previous one. The bartender congratulates him and offers him a round on the house.
    He says "No way dude, last night I blew Chunks."
    The bartender says "So what, we`ve all done that. Have a round."
    The guy replies "No man, you don t understand, I blew Chunks."
    The bartender goes "I don`t believe this shit! You`re the Champ and you won`t drink a round because you puked? That is ridiculous!!! The guy screams "You don`t get it asshole! Chunks is my dog!"