• Date Rape Drug Warning!!!

    Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

    A date rape drug on the market called "Beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, from taps and in large "kegs."

    "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them. Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "Beer" and then simply ask him home for no strings attached sex.

    Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "Beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sexual acts on horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted.

    After drinking "Beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship."

    It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam abafter "Beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

    Please! Forward this warning to every male you know.

    However, if you fall victim to this insidious "Beer" and the predatory women administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys. For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.
  • A Stiff One

    After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a suave, sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said, "What can I get you, gorgeous?"

    The woman blushed and replied, "If you're sure you don't mind, I'll have a large stiff one, please."

    The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman's ear, "Would that be before or after I've got the drinks?"
  • The Perverted Abuser

    A married couple sitting in a restaurant enjoying their dinner, halfway through the main course the man excuses himself and goes to the toilet. The woman sits there alone and decides to touch up her lipstick.

    PELA on the next table leans over and says to the woman, "You have amazing breasts, I want to tweak them and pinch your nipples until they bleed!"

    "That is disgusting, you pervert, wait until my husband gets back, he will punch you in the mouth for talking to me like that."

    PELA interjected, "I have not finished, after I have made your nipples bleed I will rip your knickers off with my teeth and stick my tongue up your arse!" "Oh, you fucking sick bastard, when my husband gets back he will kick your arse for saying these things to me." "Wait, I have not finished, after making your nipples bleed and after sticking my thumb up your arse I will fill up your cunt with beer, insert a straw and drink it all; what do say to that?" "You are going to die when my husband gets back, he will fucking snap your neck you dirty perverted wanker." A couple of minutes later, the husband returns and can see his wife is clearly upset.

    "What is wrong darling?" asks her husband. "Well, that nasty man next door said some terrible things to me, he said he wanted to tweak and twist my nipples until they bleed!" The husband was outraged, he took off his suit jacket and before he could do anything else his wife said, That is not all, he also said he would then stick his thumb up my arse!"

    The husband now feeling really angry rolled up his sleeves and was about to beat the man up when his wife stood and said, "that is not all, he then said he would fill up my cunt with beer, stick a straw in and drink every last drop!"

    The husband rolled his sleeves back down, put on his suit jacket and sat quietly at the table.

    After a few seconds the woman turned to her husband and said, "Why are you not beating the shit out of that dirty, perverted wanker who said those terrible things to me?"

    "Well, to be honest, I don't wanna fight a man who drink that much beer!"
  • Time for Some Quickies

    Boyfriend 1: Can I touch your boobs?
    Girlfriend 1: Shut up!!!!
    Boyfriend 2: Can I touch your heartbeats?
    Girlfriend 2: Ooooh!!! How Sweet!!!
    Rishta Wahi Soch Nai...

    Salim: Anarkali, can I have sex with you?
    Anarkali: Aapne Bahut Badi Cheez Maang Li Jahanpanah.
    Salim: Agar Woh Cheez Bahut Badi Ho Chuki Hai Toh Phir Rehane Do.

    Call Girl (to a 69 years old man): Uncle, Aap Ek Baar Try Karo Na!
    Uncle: Main KAR Nahin Paaunga.
    Call Girl: Arre, Aao Na Uncle, Try Toh Karo!
    Uncle Aa Gaye Aur Callgirl Pe Toot Pade Aur Uski Tassalli Karwa Di.
    Call Girl: Haaye Mar Gayi. Aap Toh Bol Rahe The Ki Kar Nahin Paunga.
    Uncle: Wo Toh Main PAYMENT Ke Baare Mein Bol Raha Tha.

    Boy: Jaanu, MAin English Movie Ki 2 Tickets Laaya Hun. Tum Chalogi Na Mere Saath?
    Girl: Which Movie?
    Boy: Condom Of Shailesh.
    Girl : You Idiot!!! It's Quantum Of Solace.