|A woman is lying in the road after being run over.|
The driver of the car that knocked her down comes to her aid.
"Are you all right?" he asks.
"You're just a blur," she says, "so my sight is clearly affected."
Concerned, the driver leans over the woman in order to test her eyesight.
"How many fingers have I got up?" he asks her.
"Oh shit!" she replies, "I must be paralyzed from the waist down as well."
|A very large blonde woman and a very large brunette are walking downtown when the brunette sees her boyfriend in a flower shop....|
"Just great," the brunette complained to the blonde, "my boyfriend is in the flower shop buying me some flowers."
The blonde responds, "Why is that a problem?"
The brunette replies, "Because now he'll expect me to spend all weekend with my legs spread and my feet up in the air."
"Why?" asked the blonde, "Don't you have a vase?"
|A newlywed husband had to go on a business trip, and hated to leave his gorgeous, sexy very blonde wife alone. The night before he left, he brought home a vibrator and gave it to her.|
"What's this for?" she asked.
"It's for those lonely nights when you miss me," explained her husband, winking. "Just think of it as something to take my place when you get horny."
A week later, hubby returns home, and finds the vibrator in the garbage.
"Honey," he says, "why did you throw it away? I told you, you should use it in my place when I'm gone."
"I did," she said. "But the damned thing rattled all my fillings loose."
|A young woman visited her eye doctor complaining of failing eyesight. The doctor sat her in front of a standard eye chart.|
Doctor, "Can you read the bottom line?"
"Can you read the center line?"
"Can you read the large top line?"
"Can you even see the chart?"
The doctor is clearly frustrated and whips his penis out of his pants. "Can you see this?"
"Well, there's your problem - you're cock-eyed!"