• A Rushed Marriage

    A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
    She said, "But we don`t know anything about each other."
    He said, "That`s all right, we`ll learn about each other as we go along."
    So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
    She said," That was incredible!"
    He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we`d learn more about ourselves as we went along."
    So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
    He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
    "No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal
  • Capitals!

    A gorgeous young blode woman gets sick and tired of men trying to pick her up in bars because she is beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was easy.
    One she decides to show everyone. She goes home and decides to smarten herself up. She decides to learn the capitals of all fifty states. Week after week she practices until she know them all. Finally, she is once again ready to go back to the bar.
    She sits down and after a few seconds a guy comes up to her and starts hitting on her. It is soon evident that he just wants to take her home and have sex with her. The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I`m not just beautiful! I`m smart too!!"
    "Yeah, yeah. I believe you." says the young stud. "Now let`s go."
    Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the states."
    The guy starts walking away, getting sick of her.
    She follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I`ll give you its capital and show you how smart I am."
    Just to get rid of her. the guy says, "Fine. What`s the capital of New Mexico?"
    The breathtaking blode looks at him proudly and says, "New Mexico has two capitals: `N` and `M`."
  • Mailman!

    It was George`s last day on the job as a postman after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route George was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope with a hundred dollar bill. At the second house the owners presented him with a box of fine Cuban cigars. The folks at the third house, knowing he was an avid fisherman, handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
    At the fourth house George was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, beckoning him as she was closing the door behind them, then leading him up the stairs to the bedroom where they both took part in the most passionate love making they had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs where she then fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshsqueezed orange juice.
    When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup`s bottom edge.
    "All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what`s the dollar for?"
    "Well," she said, "last night I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.He said, "Screw him. Give him a dollar." The breakfast was my idea."
  • Communication Centre...

    A blonde goes into the world wide communication center.
    She wants to send a message to her mother in Poland.
    When the man tells her it will be $300 she says loudly,
    "I don`t have any money... But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland."
    The man says "ANYTHING" ?
    The blonde says "Yes... ANYTHING".
    The man says, "Follow me."
    He leads her to the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does.
    He then says, "Get on your knees."
    She does. He then says, "Undo my zipper."
    She does.
    He then says, "Go ahead... Take it out."
    She takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.
    The man says, "Well go ahead!"
    She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello, Mom ?"