|It was George`s last day on the job as a postman after 35 years of delivering the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood. When he arrived at the first house on his route George was greeted by the whole family who roundly and soundly congratulated him and sent him on his way with a tidy gift envelope with a hundred dollar bill. At the second house the owners presented him with a box of fine Cuban cigars. The folks at the third house, knowing he was an avid fisherman, handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.|
At the fourth house George was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful woman in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, beckoning him as she was closing the door behind them, then leading him up the stairs to the bedroom where they both took part in the most passionate love making they had ever experienced. When he had enough they went downstairs where she then fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and freshsqueezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup`s bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, "but what`s the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "last night I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you.He said, "Screw him. Give him a dollar." The breakfast was my idea."
|A blonde goes into the world wide communication center. |
She wants to send a message to her mother in Poland.
When the man tells her it will be $300 she says loudly,
"I don`t have any money... But I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland."
The man says "ANYTHING" ?
The blonde says "Yes... ANYTHING".
The man says, "Follow me."
He leads her to the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door." She does.
He then says, "Get on your knees."
She does. He then says, "Undo my zipper."
He then says, "Go ahead... Take it out."
She takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.
The man says, "Well go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says, "Hello, Mom ?"
|A blonde and her girlfriend went to the beach for the day. As they wandered up and down the shoreline in their bikinis the girlfriend began to notice that the blonde seemed to be having some difficulty walking.|
The girlfriend finally said, "Did you hurt your leg or something? You`re walking very strangely."
The blonde replied, "I have a big date tonight and I"ve got curlers in my hair."
|To prepare for his big date, the young man went up to the roof of his apartment building in order to tan himself. Not wanting any tan lines to show, he sunbathed in the nude. Unfortunately, the young man fell asleep while on the roof, and managed to get a sunburn on his "tool of the trade".|
The young man was determined not to miss his date, so he put some lotion on his manhood and wrapped it in gauze. The blonde showed up for the date at his apartment, and the young man treated her to a homecooked dinner, after which they went into the living room to watch a movie. During the movie, however, the young man`s sunburn started acting up again. He asked to be excused, went into the kitchen, and poured a tall, cool glass of milk. He then placed his sunburned member in the milk and experienced immediate relief of his pain. The blonde, however, wondering what he was doing, wandered into the kitchen to see him with his johnson immersed in a glass of milk. Upon seeing this, the blonde exclaimed,
"So that`s how you guys load those things!"