• Any match !

    America, Russia and Japan are sending up a two year shuttle mission with one astronaut from each country.
    Since it`s going to be two years up there, each may take any form of entertainment weighing 150 pound or less.
    The American approaches the NASA board and asks to take his 125 lb wife. They approve.
    The Japanese astronaut says, "I`ve always wanted to learn Greek. I want 150 lbs of books to learn Greek with." The NASA board approves.
    The Russian blonde astronaut thinks for a second and says, "It`s gonna be two years up there. I want 150 pounds of the best Cuban cigars ever made." Again, NASA okays it.
    Two years later, the shuttle lands and everyone is gathered outside the shuttle to see what each astronaut got out of his personal entertainment. Well, it`s obvious what the American`s been up to, He and his wife are each holding an infant. The crowd cheers.
    The Japanese astronaut steps out and makes a 10 minute speech in absolutely perfect Greek. The crowd doesn`t understand a word of it, but they`re impressed and they cheer.
    The Russian blonde astronaut stomps out, clenches the podium until his knuckles turn white, glares at the first row waving a chewed up cigar at them and says: "Anybody got a match?"
  • Cherry ?

    A father and his three beautiful blonde daughters went into a hotel to stay for the night. When the daughters went to check in, they saw a really good looking bell boy. The father caught the three girls looking at him and he threatened to kill the bell boy if he did anything at all with them. So the bell boy minded his own business and ignored the girls.
    While he was working ever so diligently, the eldest daughter goes up to him and says,
    "If you don`t do it with me in bed, I will pour red juice on the sheets of my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
    Fearing for his life, he did it with her. Then he saw the beautiful middle daughter in the hallway and she too walked over to him and said,
    "If you don`t do it with me, I`ll pour red juice on my bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
    Again fearing for his life, he agreed. Later that evening the youngest blonde daughter saw him. She walked up to him and said,
    "If you don`t have sex with me, I`ll pour green juice all over the bed and tell my father that you popped my cherry."
    "Green juice?" He asked, "Why Green?"
    She replied, "Because my cherry is not ripe yet, duh."
  • A Rushed Marriage

    A man met a beautiful blonde lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away.
    She said, "But we don`t know anything about each other."
    He said, "That`s all right, we`ll learn about each other as we go along."
    So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. One morning they were laying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
    She said," That was incredible!"
    He said, "I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we`d learn more about ourselves as we went along."
    So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath.
    He said, "That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?"
    "No." she said, "I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal
  • Capitals!

    A gorgeous young blode woman gets sick and tired of men trying to pick her up in bars because she is beautiful, blonde, and so men thought she was easy.
    One she decides to show everyone. She goes home and decides to smarten herself up. She decides to learn the capitals of all fifty states. Week after week she practices until she know them all. Finally, she is once again ready to go back to the bar.
    She sits down and after a few seconds a guy comes up to her and starts hitting on her. It is soon evident that he just wants to take her home and have sex with her. The lovely blonde says emphatically, "But I`m not just beautiful! I`m smart too!!"
    "Yeah, yeah. I believe you." says the young stud. "Now let`s go."
    Again she protests. "No, really I am smart. I know the capitals of all the states."
    The guy starts walking away, getting sick of her.
    She follows him. "Really, go ahead ask me a state. I`ll give you its capital and show you how smart I am."
    Just to get rid of her. the guy says, "Fine. What`s the capital of New Mexico?"
    The breathtaking blode looks at him proudly and says, "New Mexico has two capitals: `N` and `M`."