• Words of Encouragement!!!

    A 75 year old tycoon and his 22 year old blonde bride were on their way from the wedding reception to the honeymoon suite at the Plaza. Suddenly he had a tremendous heart attack. The paramedics were called to the scene and worked to stabilize the old man.

    The paramedics labored furiously over his frail body as the ambulance rushed across town.

    The tycoon's pulse remained feeble and erratic, so, one of the medics turned to the blonde bride and said, "How about giving your husband a few words of encouragement? I think he could use them."

    "Okay," she agreed with a shrug.

    She leaned toward the stretcher and whispered, "Honey, I hope you perk up real fast. I'm so horny I'm ready to hop on one of these cute guys in white."
  • Blonde Discovers a New Sports Injury

    A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full of golf balls and sat down next to a beautiful blonde.

    The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and his bulging pockets.

    Finally, after many side glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls."

    Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at him for a very long time, thinking deeply about what he had said.

    After several minutes, unable to contain her curiosity any longer, she asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
  • Blonde Genies

    A white guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub. Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.

    The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and then begins to explore the house. Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet, he looks down and the floor is covered in $100 bills.

    Then, there's a knock at the door. He answers it and standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux Klan outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a limb and hang him by the neck until he's dead. As the Klansmen are walking away, they remove their hoods; it's the two blonde genies.

    One blonde genie says to the other one, "I can understand the first wish having all these beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to. I can also understand him wanting to be a multimillionaire. But why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me."
  • Blonde and Computers

    Yesterday I came back to my office from Court. There was a new secretary, a very attractive blonde, in the office down the hall from me. She flagged me down and asked for help.

    "My floppy drive won't work, can you help me ?" she asked.

    I told her I'd take a look and proceeded over to her machine, where I found shredded up clear plastic Baggie-like stuff hanging out of her CD drive.

    While I spent the next 20 minutes getting out her disk and digging out the plastic, I noticed two guys, John and Dave, in the hall trying awfully hard to keep straight faces. Suspecting some mischief, I asked her how the plastic got into the drive.

    "Oh, you mean the condom!", she said.

    "Condom???!!" I asked.

    "Yes, John & Dave over there told me to always put a condom on my disk before inserting it, to prevent catching viruses."

    By this point, John & Dave were roaring, and it was all I could do to keep from joining them. The 'Condom' turned out to be a standard CD plastic sleeve.

    I delicately explained to her that a practical joke had been played, and she shouldn't do that anymore, when she asked (as serious as one could be), "Does that mean I don't have to stroke it ten times or blow on it either???"