|One day a mother and father were having sex and their son walked in.|
"What are you doing," the kid asked.
"Well, you wanted a brother, so we're making you one."
The next day, the father walks outside and sees his son porking away on the family junker's tailpipe.
"Son... what the hell are you doing!!!"
And the son replied, "Mom said she wanted an new car, so I'm making her one!"
|Antonio came home from school one day and walked into the kitchen. His grandma asked him, "Antonio, what did you learn in school today?"|
Antonio replied, "Well, we learned about penises, and vaginas, and sexual intercourse, and masturbation."
Grandma hauled off and slapped Antonio, hard. He ran up to his room, crying. Antonio's mother walked in and cried, "Ma! Why did you go and hit Antonio!?"
Grandma replied, "Well, I asked him what he learned in school today. He started talking about sex, and penises, and masturbation!"
Antonio's mother said, "Ma! That's what they learn. It's called sex education!"
Well, Grandma felt bad about hitting Antonio, so she went upstairs to apologize. When she opened his bedroom door she found him on his bed masturbating. Without a blink, she said, "Antonio, when you're finished with your homework, come downstairs and talk to me."
|Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call of a mother in labor.|
The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a three-year-old toddler, to hold a flashlight high over her mommy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.
Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Mommy pushed and pushed and, after a little while, baby Connor was born.
The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.
The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed girl what she thought about what she had just witnessed.
Kathleen quickly responded, `He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.
|Two little boys in first grade were chosen to be the leads in their first school play. It was to be a Shakespearean play.|
The first boy was to say, "My fair maiden... I have come to snatch a kiss and fill your soul with hope."
The second little boy was to reply by saying, "Hark, a pistol shot."
Well, on opening night in the school auditorium, the two little boys were a bit nervous, knowing that all the seats were going to be filled with grown ups. The teacher told them to take their places on the stage and to remember to speak very loud as soon as the curtain goes up.
The curtain rose and looking out upon the audience the two boys were terrified. They stood there staring out at the audience, frozen. So the teacher whispered for them to begin. The first boy yelled out these unforgettable words....
"My fair maiden... I have come to Kiss Your Snatch!!! And fill your hole with soap."
The second boy screams out..."Hark! a shistol pot, a postle shiss, a pot of shit, horse shit, bull shit... I never wanted to be in this lousy play anyway.." The audience left howling.