• The Farmer's Kids

    A farmer has three sons. One day, his oldest boy comes to him and pleads with him that he is graduating from school and would really like to get a car.

    His father says, "Son, come with me."

    He takes him to the barn and points to the farm tractor and says, "That tractor is needed here on the farm and I promise that as soon as it's paid for, we'll get you a car."

    The boy was not too happy but he did understand that situation and said, "Okay, Dad."

    A week later, his second son (10 years old) approaches him wanting a new two-wheel bicycle. Well, he gets the same excuse, "As soon as that tractor is paid for....."

    A few days later, son number three, (6 years old) his youngest, comes bugging him for a tricycle. Again, 'ol Dad gives him the lecture about the tractor being paid for first.

    While leaving the barn, the young boy, more than a little disgusted with the whole thing, sees a rooster shagging one of the hens and promptly goes over and kicks the rooster off the hen's back, mumbling to himself the whole time.

    His dad says, "Son, why on earth would you do something like that? He didn't do anything to you to deserve that!"

    The little boy looks Dad right square in the eye and says, "Hey, nobody rides anything around here until that freakin' tractor is paid for."
  • Interest Development

    Mrs. Smith pulled Mrs. Jones out of earshot of the porch, where Mrs. Jones' lovely young daughter, Linda, sat.

    "It is really none of my business," whispered Mrs. Smith, "but have you noticed what your daughter is doing?"

    "Why, no. Is she up to anything special?"

    Mrs. Smith leaned closer, "Haven't you noticed? She has started knitting tiny garments!"

    Mrs. Jones' troubled brow cleared. "Well, thank goodness," she said smiling, "at last she has taken an interest in something besides running around with boys."
  • Poetry Contest

    The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student going to one of the finest private schools in the nation.

    From an upper-crust family, he was well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it.

    The other finalist was a redneck who was going into the 5th grade for the 8th time.

    Go figure. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

    The private school student went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:

    "Slowly across the desert sand,
    Trekked the dusty caravan.
    Men on camels, two by two,
    Destination -- Timbuktu."

    The audience went wild! How, they wondered, could the redneck could top that?
    The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

    "Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
    Met three girls in a pop-up tent.
    They was three, we was two,
    So I bucked one and Timbuktu"
  • What's Fornication?

    At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?"

    The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?"

    "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son.

    Dad charges off to confront his brother.

    Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this you think they would serve champagne."