• Poetry Contest

    The finals of the National Youth Poetry Contest last year came down to two finalists. One was a student going to one of the finest private schools in the nation.

    From an upper-crust family, he was well-bred, well-connected and all that goes with it.

    The other finalist was a redneck who was going into the 5th grade for the 8th time.

    Go figure. The rules of the contest required each finalist to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to contain the word "Timbuktu."

    The private school student went first. About thirty seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following poem:

    "Slowly across the desert sand,
    Trekked the dusty caravan.
    Men on camels, two by two,
    Destination -- Timbuktu."

    The audience went wild! How, they wondered, could the redneck could top that?
    The clock started again and the redneck sat in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:

    "Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
    Met three girls in a pop-up tent.
    They was three, we was two,
    So I bucked one and Timbuktu"
  • What's Fornication?

    At a family get together, a young boy of about 8 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?"

    The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?"

    "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son.

    Dad charges off to confront his brother.

    Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this you think they would serve champagne."
  • Adam & Eve

    There was a schoolteacher in the little old school which was teaching sex ed. The class was comprised of only 8 students, due to the size of the school.

    One of the little girls there asked, "According to the Bible, it says that Adam came first, then Eve.

    The teacher replied, "Yes, dear, that is true, according to the Word Of God."

    The girl responded, "Daddy always told me it is Ladies before Gentlemen. Didn't that rule apply during the Creation time?"

    Our teacher gets a smile on her face... she said, "Dearie, Adam came first - trust me! And every man since him came first, too!"
  • The Birds and The Bees

    A father asks his 10-year-old son if he knows about the birds and the bees.

    "I don't want to know!" the child says, bursting into tears. "Promise me you won't tell me!"

    Confused, the father asks what's wrong.

    "Oh, dad," the boy sobs. "When I was six, I got the 'There's no Santa' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no tooth fairy' speech. If you're going to tell me that grownups don't really get laid, I'll have nothing left to live for."