|Once a young boy was watching his mother take a bath. As she got out to dry off, he notices her upper torso he asks, "Momma, what are those?"|
She replies, "Son, those are my breasts."
As she turns the back to him, he asks, "Momma, what is that?"
She replies, "Son, that is my derriere."
As she turns to slip on her robe he spies her nether region and asks, "Momma, what is that?"
She replies, "That, son, is none of your business!"
Later the boy is playing by the kitchen door, and the father comes in from work hungry. The father hollers toward the kitchen to the mom, "Hey honey, what`s for dinner?"
She replies, "None of your business."
The son shaking his head says, "YUCK!"
|A gay man, finally deciding he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, went over to their house, and found his mother in the kitchen cooking dinner. He sat down at the kitchen table, let out a big sigh, and said, "Mom, I have something to tell you: I`m gay."|
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the guy was about to repeat it to make sure she`d heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and said calmly, "You`re gay -- doesn`t that mean you put other men`s penises in your mouth?"
The guy said nervously, "Uh, yeah, Mom, that`s right."
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled around, whacked him over the head with her spoon and said, "Don`t you EVER complain about my cooking again!!"
|This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the doorbell rings. The guy answers it and a kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Freddy. I`m here to pick up Betty. We`re gonna go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" |
The man mildly amused, calls down his daughter and the two leave.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Jim. I`m here to see Kim. We`re gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?"
The guy, now perplexed, says, "Yes," and the two take off.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings and again the father answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Joe. I`m here to pick up Flo. We`re gonna go to the show. Can she go?"
The man, now kind of annoyed, says, "Yes." The two depart.
Sure enough, a few minutes later the door rings and the father answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Chuck.."
The father shot him.
|A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"|
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "Let`s make a demonstration out of this. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you`ve learned."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don`t tell your father, but, yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I`ve figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we`re living with a couple of whores."