|This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the doorbell rings. The guy answers it and a kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Freddy. I`m here to pick up Betty. We`re gonna go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?" |
The man mildly amused, calls down his daughter and the two leave.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Jim. I`m here to see Kim. We`re gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?"
The guy, now perplexed, says, "Yes," and the two take off.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings and again the father answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Joe. I`m here to pick up Flo. We`re gonna go to the show. Can she go?"
The man, now kind of annoyed, says, "Yes." The two depart.
Sure enough, a few minutes later the door rings and the father answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Chuck.."
The father shot him.
|A teenager comes home from school with a writing assignment. He asks his father for help. "Dad, can you tell me the difference between potential and reality?"|
His father looks up, thoughtfully, and then says, "Let`s make a demonstration out of this. Go ask your mother if she would sleep with Robert Redford for a million dollars. Then go ask your sister if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for a million dollars. Then come back and tell me what you`ve learned."
The kid is puzzled, but he decides to see if he can figure out what his father means. He asks his mother, "Mom, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Robert Redford?" His mother looks around slyly, and then with a little smile on her face says, "Don`t tell your father, but, yes, I would."
Then he goes to his sisters room and asks her, "Sis, if someone gave you a million dollars, would you sleep with Brad Pitt?" His sister looks up and says, "Definitely!"
The kid goes back to his father and says, "Dad, I think I`ve figured it out. Potentially, we are sitting on two million bucks, but in reality, we`re living with a couple of whores."
|Four guys were telling stories in a bar. One guy leaves to go to the restroom. Three guys are left... The first guy says, "I was worried that my son was going to be a loser because he started out washing cars for a local dealership. Turns out that he got a break, they made him a salesman, and he sold so many cars that he bought the dealership. In fact, he`s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new Mercedes for his birthday." |
The second guy says, "I was worried about my son too because he started out raking leaves for a realtor. Turns out HE got a break, they made him a commissioned salesman, and he eventually bought the real estate firm. In fact he`s so successful that he just gave his best friend a new house for his birthday."
The third guy says, "Yeah, I hear you. MY son started out sweeping floors in a brokerage firm. Well, HE got a break, they made HIM a broker, and now he owns the brokerage firm. In fact, he`s so rich that he just gave HIS best friend $1 million in stock for his birthday."
The fourth guy comes back from the restroom. The first three explain that they are telling stories about their kids so he says, "Well, I`m embarrassed to admit that my son IS a major disappointment. He started out as a hairdresser and is STILL a hairdresser after 15 years. In fact I just found out that he`s gay and has SEVERAL boyfriends. But I try to look at the bright side, his boyfriends just bought him a new Mercedes, a new house and $1 million in stock for his birthday."
|A five-year-old is mowing his front lawn and drinking a beer. The preacher who lives across the street sees the beer and comes over to lecture the kid.|
"Aren`t you a little young to be drinking, son?", the preacher asks.
The kid replies, "That`s nothing; I got laid when I was three."
"What?! How did that happen?"
"I don`t remember. I was drunk."